oh come, all ye nerdy ...

so fox news is all in an uproar about the "war on christmas" being waged by liberals, jews, and nancy pelosi ... but what i dont understand is what all these swill-eatin pundits are really worried about ... lets face it, the "war on christmas" is/will be waged in the media world (which is the real world to most people sadly), and last i checked all yer badass characters are pullin for the baby jesus, born of the virgin santa ... at least i think thats how it goes ... eight years of ccd for nothin ... anyway, to give you an example, ive compiled this list ... there's yoda, optimus prime (though there are contradictions to this claim), cobra commander (but not the joes apparently), the mario bros (even bowser!?), he man (and she ra), tmnt, uh, the christmas creature, fat albert, the california raisins, garbage pail kid yul tied aka murray christmas, the uncanny x-men, the dc superheros (batman aint no jew), the muppets (though i suppose ms piggy COULD be holdin a copy of the quran there...), rainbow brite, my little pony, care bears

and if all THAT fails we still have this badass santa to save the day ...

and, allah forbid, that fails, we've been growing THIS truly disturbing santa in the labs ... its a mix of all yer basic evil creatures, with just an extra pinch of snow leopard ....

and besides all the bullshit 80s-pop-culture references ... our good friends bill o'reilly and that skinny blonde bitch forget that the true roots of christmas "culture" did include .... DAS KRAMPUS ... thats right, that loveable spawn of satan that was st nicholas's personal "go-to-demon" when the kids were behaving badly ... legend (born in the mountains of austria/germany) had it that st nick wouldnt pull the ol coal-in-the-shoes routine if you were bad, but instead dispatch DAS KRAMPUS on yer ass ... the krampus would then pull you either into hell or southern spain (swear, im not making this up) and beat you mercilessly with a switch ... my knowledge of this comes from a book i picked up at the MCA chicago a while back ... the book is basically a huge collection of late 19th century christmas cards from germany/austria featuring das krampus in a series of different scenes, all drawn by different artists, mostly austrian, but some german, and even some polish ... the cards feature the krampus beatin kids, stealing kids, making kids cry, and (again, i swear) as st nicks chauffeur in a very early turn of the century automobile ... of course, most of these cards have the perticular illustrations emblazed on the front with festive "merry christmas" wishes in script font above it ... ahhh ... ze germans ... and actually, from my observation, it seems that our western idea of what the devil looks like comes from these early illustrations of the krampus ... goat legs, hooved feet, goatee, lil horns and holding a switch or (sometimes) a pitchfork ... there ya go ... there's also a tradition in some of the rural areas of austria thats still practiced where people dress up like krampuses ... ? ... krampusi? ... krampussees ? ... well, a bunch of people dressed up like the dude, and chase kids down the main street and make em cry, THEN a bunch of guys dressed up like st nick come and give em candy n shit ... wheee !

here's some people way too into this shit ...

case in point ... WHY WOULD YOU FUCK WITH THIS SANTA!

i only have ONE question for the terrorists ... WHY DO YOU HATE OUR FREEDOM CHRISTMAS?!?!