Midgets and Klingons and Furries. Oh my!

A very special COPS featuring a feral midget.

These dudes could kick all three of our asses.

Some chick on Fark actually attended the Furries vs Klingons bowling tournament that driznastic posted the poster for and she took these pictures.

long john

Lightnin' Washington And Group singing "long john"... part of alan lomax's field recordings of the american south ... i just got hooked up with a bunch of these, including the disc this is off of "Deep River of Song: Big Brazos" ... i'm pretty sure they are choppin' trees in this tune, which is holdin the beat ... the whole disc is fantastic, but that song in particular (there's two on the disc by washington, both are the stand-out tracks in my opinion) ... i highly recommend you listen to the track on that page and listen to how seriously these guys are singin that song, i mean, man ... you can feel it if you got any kinda soul ... i'm convinced that if all music was performed like that, there would be no room for britney spears, or whoever is popular right now ... because people would listen to music not just for a catchy melody or something to dance to, but the actual PERFORMANCE (and i don't mean pyrotechnics and jumbo-trons) would be the crux of what was being sung ... so all the gimmicks would be pointless ... well, i can dream anyway ...

calling shenanigans ...

on YOU pimpernel ...

A dandy is a man who places particular importance upon physical appearance, refined language, and the cultivation of leisurely hobbies.

...nevertheless, the Scarlet Pimpernel is one of the great dandies of literature.¹

HAHA ... dandyass

more racialist business

bogarus's post got me thinkin about minstrels ... and what an odd phenomenon it was ... instead of the dominant culture subduing the minority and simply exploiting the people physically (which is almost always the case), it exploited its culture, and thusly helped spread that culture (albeit, a very racist perception) across the country and even into europe ... of course, the roman's adopted customs and even gods from the people they conquered, but i don't remember reading anything about roman musicians dressing up as celts or visigoths and performing for the emperor ... as the Ethiopian Serenaders did ...

Their first major performance was for John Tyler at the White House in 1844 as part of the "Especial Amusement of the President of the United States, His Family and Friends"

even more bizarre, is that anyone with a basic knowledge of geography, or understanding of the slave trade knows that the vast majority of american slaves came from WEST africa ... yet, many minstrel troupes and even opera houses for minstrels had names with "ethiopia" them ... if you find this subject as fascinating as me, i suggest you (at least) read the wiki on it

The rise of the minstrel show coincided with the growth of the abolitionist movement. Many Northerners were concerned for the oppressed blacks of the South, but most had no idea how these slaves lived day-to-day. Blackface performance had been inconsistent on this subject; some slaves were happy, others victims of a cruel and inhuman institution.[17] However, in the 1850s minstrelsy became decidedly mean-spirited and pro-slavery as race replaced class as its main focus.[18] Most minstrels projected a greatly romanticized and exaggerated image of black life with cheerful, simple slaves always ready to sing and dance and to please their masters. (Less frequently, the masters cruelly split up black lovers or sexually assaulted black women.)[19] The lyrics and dialogue were generally racist, satiric, and largely white in origin. Songs about slaves yearning to return to their masters were plentiful. The message was clear: do not worry about the slaves; they are happy with their lot in life.[20] Figures like the Northern dandy and the homesick ex-slave reinforced the idea that blacks did not belong, nor did they want to belong, in Northern society.[21]"

however, despite this attitude, black minstrels did appear on the scene, and gained as much prominence as their white counterparts with black performers being as popular as any white minstrel, again on our friends, the Ethiopian Serenaders

The Serenaders eventually returned to London, this time with the addition of William Henry Lane, a black man known as "Master Juba"

... the shows were billed and structured similairly to white minstrel shows, however ...

White curiosity proved a powerful motivator, and the shows were patronized by people who wanted to see blacks acting "spontaneously" and "naturally", as if on exhibit.[39] Promoters seized on this, one billing his troupe as "THE DARKY AS HE IS AT HOME, DARKY LIFE IN THE CORNFIELD, CANEBRAKE, BARNYARD, AND ON THE LEVEE AND FLATBOAT."[40] Keeping with convention, black minstrels still corked the faces of at least the endmen. One commentator described a mostly uncorked black troupe as "mulattoes of a medium shade except two, who were light. . . . The end men were each rendered thoroughly black by burnt cork."

here's the main page from which i gathered most of this info

so anyway, i had no idea that a show like this ever, or for that matter, could exist in the 19th century ... the black and white minstrel show ... courtesy of the BBC, aired from 1957 to 1978 and won several prominent awards ...

Racial sensitivity

How sad that our society has become so biased that a simple statue on a porch has to become a racial issue.

Happye (Belated) New Year

That Giuliani girl aint got shit on her! L'Chaim!

food for thought ...

as it is no secret, i hate fark (not necessarily the people) ... but the other day someone was askin' me to explain what it was ... i did my best to explain the difference between fark and totalfark, what a thread is, what a greenlight is, etc ... and after explaining what i know about it, this friend asked, "well, who gets paid then ?" ... it was then i realized that all you (funny, interesting) folks out there with totalfark accounts (gunnin to put up threads) are essentially paying to work ... that made me laugh, and then it made me sad ... let me explain, i have a problem with fark, the same way some people (myself included) have a problem with starbucks ... it seems to be the juggernaut blog/board "chain" that is consuming potentially hundreds of independents who instead jump on the bandwagon ... i'm assuming this is a combination of laziness (ie not wanting to go through the effort of starting/promoting one's own blog/board) and wanting to jump right into the limelight ... cause don't get me wrong, i seent some funny stuff up on that site for sure, but it's not like wonkette where the editors are actually writing and finding articles, it's all by people that could be runnin' their own scene, but instead succumb to the "community" of fark ... and that's a whole 'nother rant right there ... but ... last i checked, blogger is still free .... and this lil' blog (according to my google analytics account) gets between 30-50 hits a day ... and the bluntest only has 3 "contributers" hardly any serious discourse ... and mostly jus silly stuff, cnn articles, and the occasional week old celebrity scandal ...

i still can't get over it, ya'll pay to work and help inflate other people's salaries ... that's ... strange ...

i welcome any reply, albeit civil ...

oh, here's something ya'll farkers can relate to ...



OH HO HO HO HO!!!!!!! SICK BURN BRA!!!!!!!!!!
SICK WITH DISEASE
LIKE, GANGRENE n SHIT
SICK BRA
BETTER CALL 911
SICK BRA
SICK

my only real question ...

which side is bogardus gonna be on ... ?



image courtesy the folks at globalnerdy.com ... some funny stuff on there ... and to validate that it is a website run by actual nerds, i submit this quote

I’ve already received three email suggestions that someone hold a movie night for geeks where we watch the film and “smoke a bowl“, as the expression goes.

why is smoke a bowl in quotes ? is that a term for a term that's, like, extra top secret jargon ? where as to smoke a bowl would mean to partake in marijuana, but to "smoke a bowl" really means ... oh ... i dunno ... write some really sloppy and uncommented code ?

From the Obituaries

I wonder what his last words were . . . . (What? Too tasteless?)

Does the fan look like a halo to you?

And what do you know, there are assholes in the South. But don't worry, cause this is not about race. Fucking rednecks.

Don't taze me, bro!

A dude at the University of Florida was tasered at a John Kerry forum. We could have a long conversation about the appropriateness of the police reaction to a college kid asking a question, but at the end of the day, that kid is kind of a stupid asshole and if he was here, I'd taze him myself, bro.

The YouTube kids have already remixed his pleas for mercy.


PREVIOUS POST UPDATE: Maury has brought us the truth about Chris Crocker.

P.S. You know that part of your mind that has always said "I wonder what Oscar de la Hoya looks like in a full-body fishnet?"

stuff i (mostly) stole from others

one of the funniest things i've seen in a while... "I know how you ladies feel. Juggling careers and having the kids. We can do it all, yah! There you go.. fried egg...there's your damn fried egg sandwich!" let's play chess, exercise, paint and cook TV ... courtesy elliot ross

a really really fresh "video" to a bob dylan tune, as remixed/replayed by the dap-kings (outta brookyln, nyc) ... Most Likely You Will Go Your Way (& I'll Go Mine) ... i love the original so much, that its hard for me to get into another version (even by the dap-kings) but the video is brilliant in its concept and execution ... courtesy my eyeballs and kincaid for hippin' me to the dap-kings

"I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die," she told the Courier & Press ... courtesy mr. ross, et al

Cops: Man dies after armless artist’s head-butt ... courtesy ms. gadola

laser turntable ... courtesy the always lovely sanam

This is Weird

I need to do some more research on this to get the whole story

Unlucky

Sucks to be them

phunny

All I Want for My Birthday

I don't understand this

I'd elaborate, but I'm in class right now . . . .

its that time again ...

HAPPY BIRFDAY PIMPERNEL!
YOU SLUT!!



FEEL THE BURN!!!!!!



and now for an impersonation that mr. pimpernel might find ... a little cheeky

News for the Monday

Let's see here: soft core porn, sci-fi show, another sex series, children's show. Remind you of anyone?

And apparently you can't say "goddamn" on FOX. Or maybe she got censored because she wasn't a hot blonde. Or not animated (See: Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, etc.)

Or maybe it's because FOX hates liberals. (A side not to that article: "If we were so interested in confiscating Iraq's substantial oil reserves, why didn't we just plow through there, and deputize the place then? We could have. We didn't." Apparently this schmuck doesn't realize that, no we couldn't have. That's exactly what we're trying to do now and failing. And this little nugget: "Trust me, if we wanted just oil, we'd position all our troops around just oil facilities. We didn't. We haven't. And we aren't." Once again, this schmuck is wrong. That's exactly what we did when we first invaded. So by "didn't" he really should have said "did".)

putin-nany!

aight ... so in my last post, i called out russian premiere, ex-kgb head-honcho, and all around spooky individual: vladimir putin on havin' givin' up a whole lot of goofy photo-ops over the last couple months ... so today's post is dedicated to the man ...

and as many goofy-ass photos of him i can find ...

we'll skip the weird b&w photos of him and his man-boobies since everyone seent those already ...

so here we go!

here he is enjoying his life size nut-cracker collection, somewhere deep in the cockles of the kremlin (the boy was paid 5 rubles for the week and then was shipped back to serbia)

here he is on a smoke break while working at russia's favorite fascist/totalitarian hamburger stand the stal-in-out burger ... wow, that was so corny it'd even make actor blush

just don't forget he used to be KGB

no, seriously don't mess with him ... on a side note, i'm pretty sure he played renard in "the world is not enough"

however, it wouldn't be the last time he trodded the boards in the entertainment world ... in the early 90's he teamed up with a buddhist monk and attempted a shabba ranks/maxi priest kinda thing ... the unlikely duo weren't recieved well, and their only full-length "He's the Monk, I'm the Totalitarian-Free Press Hatin'-Despot" failed to break the Top-10 charts even in Russia ... and iTunes downloads of the single "Y U Hatin'?" were brisk, at best

seriously now how many times i gotta say it ... !?

he has a real sweet model rocket, BUT YOU CAN'T PLAY WITH IT! ... no, seriously volodya, my uncle gave it to me, and it's like, really really expensive ... NO, STOP TOUCHING IT ... COMON GUYS, IM SERIOUS ...... FINE, SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M TAKING MY ROCKET AND GOING HOME!!!

he likes goats

i mean, he really likes goats

but don't worry he also likes little boys too

here he is playing the classic russian game, pull the giant turkey leg from the rocketship before it takes off! ... the gentleman on the left is refereeing the match ...

must be one of the jokes only fascist-loving, free-speech-hatin', own-citizen-spyin', civil-rights-removin', douche-bag-appointin', election-stealin', "presidents" get ...

uhhhhh ....................... so many questions now ...

lookin' ball show : volume 5

nice photo .... but its got emo-kid stank* all over it ...

el sol ... i dont't know if this photo is fabricated or a composite or what, but ... whoa ...

safety tip ... while most atheists assume goat-like bodies upon rejecting the lord, they still do enjoy a good thick robe and mug o' joe ...

the mrs' tipped me to this ... takes a while to load all the levels, but if you got time, it's pretty cool ...

just a pretty picture

inside joke theatre : did sofie, josh or noam make this for me ? and it somehow ended up on a russian blog ? 3 months after my birthday ?

re:bogardus ... creepy how similar that looks ...

has anyone else noticed that an inappropriate amount of goofy photos of putin have been released in the last couple of months





*they might just be british

Ever Beat Up a Priest?

Me neither. Luckily we have police to do that now. And what happened? The priest got arrested, of course! At least they let him go to the hospital first because they tore the ligaments in his ankle. The worst thing is, it took about 6 cops to take down a priest. What would've happened if he, you know, wasn't a man of the cloth and actually was looking for a fight? I'm guessing those cops would've gotten their asses kicked.

To think what would have happened to the priest if he tried to make an illegal right turn! (Thanks City of Chicago! Yeah, that was down the street from me. There are a ton of schools in my neighborhood.)

Avoid the plague

The Britney Meltdown

If you didn't see it, this is Britney Spears's latest performance at the MTV Video Music Awards

I would like to mock this video and talk about how Britney looks like she can't decide whether to be be bored, confused, or drunk, but after watching this second video, I have decided that it is a better idea if I just LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

It's Time for The Todd

I got nothing more to add

And in case you were wondering, 30 seconds has never seemed as short as when I was the "phone-a-friend" on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire today.

Salad

Real life super villains

Some more comics

Last three articles care of boredatwork.com

Still No Internet at Home

Sorry for the extended hiatus. Gotta make this brief. Blogging during class. 10 days till interneting in the comfort of my own home.

Just a heads up, watch yourself Bogardus

Kind of like Mona Lisa's

Oprah's planning on eating the GOP

He didn't want to go to your stupid party, anyway

Where's Steve Fossett? Perhaps Galt's Gulch?
(Read a book sometime, will ya?)