Really?

Orson Welles? The Orson Welles?

never on a sunday ....

this is probably one of the only sunday posts ever on this blog ... as we're all good catholic boys, we try not to work too hard on the lord's day, ya know, not rollin' or anything ... but i'm back at work today ...
allday ...
again ...
cause im takin 2 weeks off startin nex week to hit the road wit the drastics ... should be good times, we actually have a tour this time ! (as oppose to scrambling for awful last minute shows like las time)

anyway

continuing on with musicals pulled from very strange sources, i give you bat boy the musical

kinda like a female r crumb

heavy anti-meth ad

im not usually into stuff like this but this one made me almost laugh out loud during this theatre thing i have been sitting THROUGH SINCE GODDAMN 9AM THIS FUCKING MORNING!!!

gay or emo ? it's in ya genes sucka

this one's for bogardus, lemme know how you do

oh, i also found this photo of bogardus circa 1995 ... lookin good my man ! ... oh, and then for context, here's one of bogardus from last week

stuck at work allday on a saturday, not much to do ...

SO YOU GET HIT WITH BLOGAGEDDON!!!!!!!

allright, big smiles everyone!

when not inventing insane evil-genius looking tesla coils this guy walks around and insists on people calling him "the lieutenant" as is his rank in obsidian fleet

brent gustafson is a video game artist thats showin at our gallery next month, this piece is pretty cool ... just keep clicking on it

norwegian kids messin wit a train, thinkin cause they invented the vikings they can just screw with all things sacred ... such as ... trains ... and ... vikings, i guess ...

yeah, sure its neat, but how do you clean it ?

obviously, we still hate teh gheys in this country, but this story is interesting, if for nothing else, that the two dudes makin out in the photo look kinda thug

this sight is awesome ... that whimsical magical world of microwaved household items, lo until now, that was the muse of poet and philosopher alike, is now and finally thrust unto the aperture of my bossom ... so now i'll never have to ponder what happens to christmas lights or, say, a pineapple when put into the microwave ...

thats's just gross

hah, nerds

i have no idea what this is ... it seems to be some kind of dutch (?) story about black folks illustrated within the "sim universe" ... i was following it somewhat, well, no, not really, but at least it seemed to be some kinda "color purple"-esque kinda tale until after the dance party when the pregnant one gets in the transmogrifier someone has set up in the desert ...

chest hair, the other white meat

bovine, the (wrestling) communist cow

gwar is awesome

heres our chance everyone! finally, years of dreaming will yield sweet supple fruit in the form of 3 hot chicks who want to write a song FOR ME! NOT YOU! AHAHAH!


these photos are cool ... i like the backgrounds actually

jesus returns, joins kitsch 70's boy band

oh yeah, i've been meanin to post somethin on these guys for a while ... sam and marty krofft ... bein a huge (not like, fat, but like, i like em alot?) mr. show fan, i've found myself sitting and watching their spoof of h.r. pufnstuf (the altered state of drugachussetts) and realizing after some banter that no one in the room knows/realizes its a spoof ... not that i was old enough to have watched it as a kid ... its a good 10 years before my time, but somewhere in the ether of pop-culture i picked up on it ... anyway more creepy kids shows

And a Chipmunk

Seriously, it's just a chipmunk.

The humanity! Or the best excuse ever . . . .

3 takes on 1 event

for those that missed em ... i posted 3 announcements for tonite's drastics show over the past 3 days ... here they are "re-printed" from wednesday to friday

COME ONE COME ALL!
FRIDAY, JUNE 22nd!

48th ANNUAL RODEO-CLOWN SEMINAR, BAKE SALE and REGGAE SHOW!

featuring

tom riley : tenor sax, flute, dubs, lunges, heart palpitations

gerald bailey : trumpet, flugelhorn, melodica, general disinterest, hot sex on platters

brian citro : guitar, blood-scarves, porcupine hunts

elliot ross : guitar, middle-english pronunciations, save-the-porcupine rallys

otto roeser : organ, clavinet, 12-bit dithering, finger-snappin'

chris merrill : bass, protaganistic qualities, stump-foot

anthony abbinanti : drums, callin yer mom's house in the middle of the nite, butter scone recipes

fada dougou : vocals, miami-vice fan clubs, foofaraw

FREE FACE PAINT and FERRET BITES FOR ALL CHILDREN UNDER 12! (BYOF)

***ENTER OUR RAFFLE TO WIN A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF DEEP-FRIED-COKE-BALLS!!!

FUN FOR KIDS FROM 9 to 99!!!!

PSYCH! YOU GOTTA BE OVER 21 KID!!!

BITE TA EAT!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------

YOU, YES YOU!
THIS FRIDAY, JUNE 22nd!

63rd BI-ANNUAL VINCENT PRICE APPRECIATION CLUB MEETING and REGGAE SHOW!

featuring

tom riley : tenor sax, flute, dubs, birthday-turnin', job-shovin'

gerald bailey : trumpet, flugelhorn, melodica, jokes about the gonad, civil-war era teeth straightenin'

brian citro : guitar, full-windsor tie knots, hop-scotch refereeing

elliot ross : guitar, 'sonny' crockett impersonations, pastel colored pie charts

otto roeser : organ, clavinet, incantations to ancient aliens, pogo stickin'

chris merrill : bass, tortoise with chipmunk jockey racin', chaw

anthony abbinanti : drums, ridiculous conversations (in his head), crop dustin'

fada dougou : vocals, 'rico' tubbs impersonations, rag-top low-ridin'

zulu : vocals, ruff-neck bidness, puppy petting

*FREE PIN-WHEEL BLOWING COMPETITION!

**DUNK THE CLOWN TANKS WILL BE PROVIDED!! (BYOC)

***ENTER OUR RAFFLE TO WIN A RABID VOLE!!!

FUN FOR KIDS FROM 8 to 88!!!!

JUS PLAYIN! YOU GOTTA BE OVER 21 KID!!!

SIP TA DRINK!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------

the brauer house
57 w hillside ave, hillside IL

TONITE
FRIDAY, JUNE 22nd!

74th TRI-CENTENNIAL EROTIC LITHOGRAPHERS CONVENTION and
REGGAE SHOW!!!

featuring

tom riley : tenor sax, flute, dubs, obeisance in the form of faberge eggs, cudgel wielding

gerald bailey : trumpet, flugelhorn, melodica, peripatetic tendencies formed through a childhood spent in a traveling sideshow eating glass, potato sacks

brian citro : guitar, sang-froid dispositions even in james bond-esque situations, attempts to put hands in potato sacks

elliot ross : guitar, alcohol based energy drinks marketed to 40-something school marms, keepin hands out of potato sacks

otto roeser : organ, clavinet, busker-heisting, blended kool-aid recipes

chris merrill : bass, mollification through distribution of ruby encrusted pesos, diaper changin'

anthony abbinanti : drums, sesquipedalian style in myspace bulletins, goin up-side tha head

fada dougou : vocals, bumptious declarations made at funerals, pop-n-fresh muffins

zulu : vocals, not no par-kay, not no margarine, strikly butter baby

*FREE PIN-ROLL THROWING COMPETITION! (BYOPR)

**SPRINKLE TOPPING WILL BE PROVIDED ON THE NIGHT OF THE EVENT!!

***ENTER OUR RAFFLE TO WIN A LIFE SIZE CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF A UKRAINIAN COSSACK!!!

FUN FOR KIDS FROM 7 to 77!!!!

ENH, WRONG! YOU GOTTA BE OVER 21 KID!!!

BITE TA EAT, SIP TA DRINK, STAIN THE SHEETS!!!!!

NEWS NEWS NEWS!!!!

From cnn.com:
"Little-known documents now being made public detail illegal and scandalous activities by the CIA more than 30 years ago: wiretapping of journalists, kidnappings, warrantless searches and more . . . . The "personal surveillances" in 1972 of muckraking columnist Jack Anderson and staff members, including Les Whitten and Brit Hume. The surveillance involved watching the targets but no wiretapping. The memo said it followed a series of "tilt toward Pakistan" stories by Anderson."

I knew that bastard was a pinko commie pig fucker. Or at least a pig fucker. But now he can be welcomed into the ranks of other famous Americans like Rev. Martin Luther King, jr. and John Lennon. He's just got one last rite of initiation into their ranks. That reminds me, I gotta find my copy of Catcher in the Rye.

Back From the Roo!

Ok, went to this music festival down in sunny Manchester, TN. Good times. Very eclectic gathering of bands from across the board of genres: rock, country, hip hop, international music, and even Tool. I don't know why Tool was there, to be honest. Attracted the wrong crowd of people. For example, it was not uncommon to see people walking around in all black, covered head to toe in 100 degree weather in the middle of a drought at 1:00 pm where shade is the scarcest commodity to come by. Also, the place was kind of like a candy store for junkies. Whatever you wanted, I actually saw a guy selling a sunrise sprinkled with dew, covered in chocolate and a miracle or two. My point is, the Tool crowd was not exactly the type of kids you want to see tweaking on psychedelics. Columbine anyone?

On to the music. As a preface, let me explain that when there was a conflict between two bands that I wanted to see that were playing at the same time, I opted for the band that toured less. I caught at least some of over 20 bands, most bands I saw their entire sets. Here are the highlights of bands that are not super famous (e.g. the Police):

Gogol Bordello. Gypsy punk band from NYC. Real fun show. Real hard not to dance to this shit live, even in ridiculously hot weather. Better band live than recorded. Much like watching the circus on TV isn't nearly as fun as watching that bear on a unicycle in person.

Rodgrio y Gabriela. Smoking guitar duo, latin rock. Saw them the first night and it blew my mind. Right before they came on stage, saw a naked guy getting escorted away by security. I think he got in trouble, not just for being naked, but for being naked and walking through the crowd that was gathering for the show. Keep your junk to yourself. They did a real nice cover of Wish You Were Here. And here's another clip of them from Bonnaroo without the guy singing over the guitars. They had a pretty cool video in the back, edited in time with the music, pretty sure it was a live video which made it more impressive. They also like hard rock/metal/whatever the kids are calling it now-a-days, like Metallica and the sort. They'll be at the Taste of Chicago on the 4th, check it out. Dig around on the YouTube for some more of their videos.

The New Orleans Klezmer All Stars. Maybe it's just the kid from Skokie in me, but they were pretty entertaining. Anytime you get a chance to see a guy rock out, jumping around on stage, with an accordion, you gotta see it. Unfortunately, there are very few videos of them from Bonnaroo on YouTube. And I'm pretty sure those two videos are of the same song.

Manu Chao Radio Bemba Sound System. Another real fun show to see, though they were playing at the same time as the Roots. This is where the "who plays Chicago more" rule comes into effect. Manu Chao, the singer, kind of looked like a tiny European Bruce Springsteen,though his jeans weren't has tight. The Bass player also looked like Everlast or maybe the fat one from Hot Fuzz. Manu Chao, showing his punk roots, also liked to bang the microphone against his forehead.

Super Jam. I know I said I wasn't going to cover any famous bands, but how can I not mention Ben Harper, Quest Love, and John Paul Jones rocking out, playing our favorite Zepplin tunes?

Dr. Ralph Stanley & the Clinch Mountain Boys. The man's an American musical institution. I could find anything from the Roo, but here's one from a couple months ago played elsewhere. He's the guy who did the music for O Brother! Where Art Thou?. If you get the chance to see this guy, jump on it. I doubt he'll be touring much longer, but I bet people were saying that 20 years ago. Real fucking impressive. He won some lifetime achievement award for his contribution to American music from Reagan, there's a museum just on him in Virginia, he wrote a song called Hard Times which is about "the Rock and Roll" making it hard for bluegrass musicians to make a living written in 1954. It was awkward to hear him say that at a rock festival. It was also awkward to hear him call it "the Rock and Roll". He also played for the Queen of England when she came through last. He also supported Kerry. Oh yeah, the title of doctor is because he was awarded an honorary doctorate from a university and now he calls himself doctor. Funny guy, fantastic musician, and a national treasure.

Under The Weather

I am still recovering from some kind of bug I caught at Bonnaroo, but expect a full report in the near future. Until then, here are some links:

Little Mac's big comeback

Hey, are you the laziest mother fucker in the world? Buy a vaccuum cleaner!

Driz, when you get stabbed, its time to stop

road trip!

who wants to go to toronto !?

comix issue! (part 2)

so here's a cool site i stumbled onto delicious covers daily ... my favorites have to be the "superman family" comics posted up there, not because of great artwork or composition, but rather because it reveals super strength and fighting for peace, justice, and the american way, doesn't mean yer home life is gonna be any more civil than yer non-crime-fighting-families ... as we can see, the in-fighting is rampant with superman goin against his cousin and his best friend and co-worker ... having pre-nuptial marriage woes, and finally threatening to kill yer grandpa for doing the ol' penny behind the ear trick ... yes sir, the times they are a changing ... it used to be you could count on super-heros to be from decent hard working families, and fight for the ol' stars n stripes ... but not anymore ... today's super-hero is too busy fighting, not just amongst his family, but also amongst his co-workers (disturbing racial undertones), poaching endangered animals, and fightin over broads .... i tells ya ... jus don't makes em like they onced ta ...

anyway

oh you noes ...

this guy needs eating lessons

dear lord no ... and theres more (less gross, more funny) ones over here where they dedicated a whole site to those insane people that dress up like anime-characters, except all of these are really really bad! hazah for making fun of your inferiors! ... hmm, while it is funny, my guess is that it would be funnier if i had any idea who they are dressed up as ... or what half the jargon they use is referring too ...

THAT's a scary-ah pope-ah!

a menagerie of dead animals

because the world will never be sick of ...

old white ladies rapping ... old white english ladies ...

look, now im into some mario bros, super mario bros, donkey kong, and pretty much all of your japanese-interpreted-italian-plumbing-community universe games and tattoos ... but this is some dedication right here

mccain explains romney's immigration reform technique ... to Shoot 'Guatemalans Off His Lawn' ... oh wow, that article is weeks old too, but i dont remember any of my frequented political blogs covering it ... well, there's news in yer eye ...

allllll byyyyyy myy seell-eee-ellffffff

the loneliest bluntest blogger ... everyone done did gone down to tennessee for that bonnaroo festival ... seriously guys, dont get all mescaled up and get lost in the appalachians ...

take the kids on down to dogpatch, usa and ride "Earthquake McGoon’s Brain Rattler" ... i never even heard of this one, unlike other "hick" amusement parks such as dollywood and silver dollar city ...

bald knobbers ... a group of non-racially motivated vigilantes in the southern part of the state of Missouri in the United States, who were active during the period 1883-1889. They are commonly depicted wearing hoods with horns ...

distinguished ladies and gentlemen, i now bring to motion bill #450c98 ... proposed public funding of vampire recruiting

prolific american vaudeville act "yoda and binks" perform their classic routine who's on first (link thanks to todays birfday boy, actor)

a movie you might have missed, unless you keep up on turkish cinema ... the valley of the wolves ... a heartwarmer of a piece staring (sofie's favorite) gary busey as an evil jewish doctor who harvests iraqi's organs with the help of american military ... sure to settle the tensions over there ... apparently this movie was huge over in turkey which is even scarier ...

im currently listening to music from burundi ... whachu got kid ?

inside moritzburg castle, germany

Don't Fuck with the Judge

Moral of the story: Even if you shouldn't be in jail, being a dick will keep you there.

And, seriously, is it that hard to nominate at least one person who isn't a duchebag? Then again, isn't it about time we got a surgeon general who thinks you can't get VD from vaginal intercourse?

Which led me to this. Cause bein' gay is like the Jews being held as slaves by the Egyptians. Just think of how fabulous those pyramids could have been.

In case you were wondering...

Jesus is cool with fisting

HAHAHAHA

HAHA ... DAG YOU BITCH!

sbeen a while since we had ...

a good ol fashioned 50s-commie-scare-plastic-fashion kinda link ... so check these guys out over at atomicplatters.com, good stuff ...

i couldnt find a link to it within their site, but i got there by searching for this little gem ... "inside a communist cell" ... picked this record up at a goodwill in peoria, still sealed in its original cellophane ... its since been cracked and played to much amusement ... the first line of the album being ...

"many people ask me, karl, is communism political ? ...
the answer is NO!
ITS CRIMINAL!"

ahhh ... good times, and most people think dubya invented paranoid-phantom-enemy culture here in the US

lookin' ball show : volume 2

WAR! ... unh unh ... unh unh ... WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR ? ... petting kittens apparently

i got alot of friends that would flip to get one of these installed at the crib

i dunno why this made me laugh as much as it did

these are awesome, and may have inspired this years halloween costume .... squirrel, elephant, ostrich

animated judo moves ... so you better watch out bogardus ... ive been training under the harsh tutelage of master yoko gif san

i think it goes without saying that this trick hasn't tasted anything in a long long time ...

this is kinda a cool pic

Internet Famous

Shit, I just assumed that you had comments like this before. I could start promoting the Bluntest using my internet fame if you like and we'll start seeing more traffic than Jesus' Myspace.

• If you ever find yourself with a bunch of mentally disabled people (i.e. you're at a Drastics show SICKBURN), and you think to yourself "How am I going to teach these people about sexing?", here's your answer


• Pimpernel's mom gives him a sex talk.


• Also, if you pirate music, you support terrorism.

bangin like an 808

tried to have a theme for today but failed miserably ... so here's a non-sequiter post ...

so ever since bogardus signed back up with the bluntest, i've seen an increase in comments by about ... somewhere in the range of say, ooooohh, 3000% (including, presumably, matt from x-e, unless its some kind of impostor matt) ... whattup wit that bogardus ? do you claim responsibility ? i mean, you've personally claimed your "internet stardom" to me many nites after 6-8 beers, but i always took it with a grain of salt ... for some reason ... you like how i used italics to emphasize my snarky sarcasm ... emote that, bitch!

themostfamouspeopleontheinternet ... there they are ... look at em go ... looks kinda like a scientology-ish scheme here where you gotta pay ? i dont get it ... just as long as xenu doesnt take #1, ill be happy

cheese ... on tour ... cheese on tour!

emma abbott ... peoria's most famous singer?

myspace haters ... im not callin em out for it (as we all i know i hate myspace yet submit to its whim), but i do have to say ... if yer gonna make a website trying to display how depraved myspace is, and how the site can be linked to kids disappearing/being murdered; dont use the "nightmare before christmas-esque" happy skull face ... come-on people

i just pray this isn't the nobel prize's official archive

The Screaming Frog

I don't know what's funnier. the video or the flamewar in the comments.

1000 POSTS!!!!! (for real this time)

blogger lied to me before ... said we had 999 posts, and so i assumed that last one would be 1000 ... however, it was already saved as a draft, so it was counting it in there without posting it ...

anyway



WOOOHOOO!!!!! WE MADE IT!!!!! ... they said it couldn't be done ... they mocked us, called us names, spit in our eyes, stepped on our toes and stole our lunch money ... all in a vain attempt to stop us from our goal ... OUR GOAL OF ONE THOUSAND POSTS! ... but hazah! ... its time for the big payback suckas ...



and on that note, i have no actual content to post right now ... hazah!

some dumb stuff i stole ...

posts you mighta missed ...

wonkette (of course) hipped me to these fine folks over at The Simplified Spelling Society ... becoming an associate member is free, so sign on up y'all! ... oh, i guess that should be "sine on up, y'all"

also, keeping on the mcdonalds theme from a few days ago ... mcdonald place-mat/tray reviews over at good ol' x-entertainment ... who seems to be done and/or dried up ... i read that site vehemently when i had a job that afforded me more slack-time ... i remember even realizing i could read all archived posts (by entering a different numbered page into the address bar) including those no longer linked to (for obvious reasons, ie dated material, poorly written, etc) ... yeah, i'm that big of a nerd ... anyway, sad to see it go ...

also, bogardus, ya video links are already busted...

Sweet Lou and the Cubbies

If they're not going to win games, they are at least going to make the games worth watching.

Yesterday, after giving up 13 hits in one inning, Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett had a friendly conversation about the way things went wrong.



And then today: The way they've been playing, I knew it was coming. Lou Pinella offically blew his top over a shitty ump call at third base. There's something super childish but kind of awesome about a man who has been a baseball professional for decades resorting to old-fashioned "kicking dirt on the umpire's shoes".