psa

remember, the worst part about doin the hibbidy-dibbidy wit yerself ISN'T that it makes baby jesus cry ...

no no

it's that it makes THIS guy really happy

seen 'round the hood ...

this guy's stuff is pretty cool, plus he was in the festival and isn't a dick

i also cherry picked some other stuff off that site, mostly videos

tim burton short

picard on broadway on the enterprise (seriously good)

check out the whole site, nice interviews wit good (innovative) contemporary designers/artists fecalface.com

and

whatta colossal douche

more of the same here ... how we retain even a scrap of global respect is beyond me ...

Federal Rule of Evidence 607 or How to Get Away With 'Yo Mama' Jokes in Court

der pimpernel explained some things to me today ... i thought you'd all like to know ...

the scarlet pimpernel: did you know that if you're ever in court and someone brings a witness that says, "I saw him! I saw him stabbing that poor old woman! It was Driz- "Kaiser Sosay" -Nastic!" You can reply, "But isn't it true that your mother is a whore and you've genetically inherited her lying whore mouth?"
the scarlet pimpernel: totally legit move
driznastic: oh comon
the scarlet pimpernel: totally legit
driznastic: thats not objectable on some ground ?
the scarlet pimpernel: nope, iron clad
driznastic: relevance ?
the scarlet pimpernel: "genetically inherited her lying whore mouth"
driznastic: hahaha
driznastic: no
driznastic: there is no way you could say that
the scarlet pimpernel: totally legit
driznastic: and get away wit it
the scarlet pimpernel: I don't right the rules, I just follow them
the scarlet pimpernel: nor do I write the rules
driznastic: hah
the scarlet pimpernel: And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be allowed to accuse a witness that they genetically inherited their mother's lying whore mouth on grounds that is unsubstantiated on any ground
the scarlet pimpernel: if the witness really was a lying whore, you could say, "But isn't it true you are a whore who lies? And therefore you are a lying whore? And the words that you just spoke came from your lying whore mouth?"
the scarlet pimpernel: that would be totally legit
driznastic: uh huh
driznastic: see
driznastic: you need to open yer own school
the scarlet pimpernel: Especially if you could back it up with evidence, you could then present testimony of her police record that is covered with incidents of arrests and convictions for prostitution, sodomy, buggering, and other infamous crimes, follow that up with testimony of her clients and the lies she has told them, most notably that she is not the sweetest piece of ass in three states, as she likes to advertise
driznastic: pimpernel's skool of lawyerin'
the scarlet pimpernel: word dood
driznastic: jeesus
driznastic: you are on a roll today
the scarlet pimpernel: aight, lemme break it down like this, Federal Rule of Evidence 607, "the credibility of a witness may be impeached by any party" giving you the right to question whether or not she is telling the truth on cross-examination, FRE 608(a) "credibility of a witness may be attacked with evidence of opinion or reputation" allowing the testimony of her clients, FRE 608(b) "evidence of prior specific instances of conduct are only admissible on cross-examination" allowing substance of the clients testimony, her lying about being the sweetest piece of ass in three states, FRE 609 would actually prevent you from bringing in her arrest records, except any crimes involving dishonesty or fraud and any pertinent crimes that were punished by a year or more in jail
the scarlet pimpernel: see, not just making this shit up
the scarlet pimpernel: as for the whole whore thing, I don't know if prostitution is a felony, which I think FRE 609 is stating, felonies are admissible, misdemeanors are inadmissible
driznastic: uh huh ... how bout havin a lying whore mouth ?
the scarlet pimpernel: genetically inherited from her mom? probably not admissible, I wrote that at the beginning
driznastic: yeah, cause you would have to do alot of research on her moms
driznastic: bring in witnesses to testify that the mom was a lying whore
driznastic: before you could prove the daughter was a lying whore
driznastic: hm
driznastic: food for thought, i guess
the scarlet pimpernel: dood, I should write a story that involves all the Rules of Evidence
the scarlet pimpernel: make it realy fun, like that shit
the scarlet pimpernel: sell it for a gajillion dollars
driznastic: who would buy that ?
the scarlet pimpernel: students
the scarlet pimpernel: or West of LexisNexis
the scarlet pimpernel: trust me, a gajillion at least
the scarlet pimpernel: maybe even a brazilian
driznastic: LexisNexis ?
the scarlet pimpernel: oh yeah!

najib najib

bijan made this ...

the photo is from 5 years ago ... thanks bitch! hope you enjoy the shit sandwich you got comin yer way!

and

if this doesnt make you throw up a little, you either 1. have no idea what's happening in the world or 2. have no morals whatsoever

purely aesthetic

workin on album art for my friends "video gum culture"'s upcoming release so im in a lookin mood ...

the greatest battle of all time

french rubber glove ad

dont end up like that sap FDR ... DON'T mix with new groups

all these wanna-be-ninjas on the internet now, but do they give props to the original ... COUNT DANTE?

and this is a real ad for some fishing-charter boat company ... thoroughly distasteful and unfunny, which is why i post it!

a picture's worth a thousand words

click the picture to check the smuggest photo of bush youve seen

todays post is made possible by a generous donation

from the girl respect yourself foundation

motivating all ladies to respect and cherish their minds and bodies.



oh, and happy 420 ? i guess ? i dont get it ... jus smoke yer shizz, dont need to make no big deal out of it ...

DRASTICS ROCK DOUBLE DOOR TONITE (4.20) and MARTYRS (4.21) WITH MAD PROFESSOR!

A Quick Post

Found these while taking a break from studying, sorry for the post being short:

Right up your alley, Driznastic

Don't really know what this guy is trying to say with some of his rants. The Pythagorean Theorem is not evil. And I'm pretty sure the Bible wasn't written by freemasons to corrupt societ or something like that. Though I have shared this guys contempt of the Dallas Cowboys.

elephants wit tek-9s

this is funny for so many reasons ...

first off the website (www.urbanelephants.com/nyc/) is called "urban elephants : what's right in new york city (new york city republican community" ... sorry guys, but no area with a republican caucus has ever been referred to as "urban", and if that wasnt enough, in a post about (who else!?) don imus (sad that even "political" blogs feel they need to address this, or is it maybe cause there's no good news to report on the right side of the aisle ... hmmm?) the following quote appeared ...

... Don Imus has been assuaged from the public airwaves. That will now free up more time for all of us to kick back with our A-kon and Snoop Dog CDs. Indeed, a kind of hush has descended all over the world now – a good kind of hush.

and if you had the stomach to read the rest, he jus goes on a 7 paragraph tirade about how evil al sharpton is, which i love ... all sorts of reactionary right-wing-blogs/media-outlets are using this awesome formula now (and not jus for the recent don imus scandal) ...

it goes like this

1. whiteman says something insulting about a non-white in a racialist way
   
2. other whiteman says something about how it wasnt right for the first white dude to have said that
   
3. wait for black/non-white leaders to way in
   
4. immediately call out black leaders for anything and everything they have ever said of questionable taste
   
5. further yer agenda of discrediting non-white leaders
   

seriously, start payin attention when shit like this happens ... i hate pullin the race card out out, but rush limbaugh says things on his show that are as fowl as the things sharpton has said (jews being diamond merchants is the first one that comes to mind, which ... i mean, is a stereotype, but not nearly on the level of "nappy headed hos") ... and when limbaugh spouts his rhetoric its not even instigated (sharptons diamond merchant remark was made during the crown heights riots), i can understand rush being upset if jesse jackson went on the tv sayin that all white men are the devil or somethin, but his bullshit is aimless ...

and besides, sharpton has some of the whitest blood in em already!

anyway

compubeaver ... and its real ... goddamn people are strange

gallery of strange musical instruments

there is so much going on within this page that i dont understand (nsfw-ish)

beeotch, you got knocked the fugggg up

or

lets meet our fellow blogger (brand) bloggers ...

well, the first thing i really noticed is something that anyone in america working at an office with a knocked up broad can sympathize with ... why do so many pregnant ladies think the world cares about their pregnancy ? i'm not discouraging you keeping a journal or record as it is a pretty important event in yer life, even posting a few photos, but they do still sell paper and pens, and textpad/ms word still works really well for documenting information ... i swear, outta every 10 blogs you check, 4 will be from a spanish speaking country and 2 from some white american pregnant woman ...

before i continue, i should probably explain where i'm collecting this information from ... see that little button on the top that says "next blog>>" ... click it, and you will be magically teleported to another pointless blog with people spouting all sorts of garbage ... the only difference is that we here at the bluntest have no delusions of grandeur, offer a chance for open-minded dialogue, and are "smart" haters ...

the remaining 4 will be spam blogs or total conservative reactionaries spouting some of the worst, vile anti-middle east rhetoric ive read in a while ... and the best part is they do it under the guise of an ideology war, not skin color or culture ... yeah, right ... believe me theyre out there, i debated posting a few, but really really dont want to bring more limelight to these misguided hateful assholes ...

however, some quips i will "reprint" ...

"I shall solemnly attest to the fact that the overwhelming majority of Muslims in my neighbourhood have severe kleptoparasitic tendencies, serious substance abuse problems... and, of course - lie compulsively)"

"Put in plain and simple English - most Muslims I know are pests."

well, i actually severely doubt this guy knows anyone outside of the talking heads on fox news and whatever porn site he was last downloading from ... i cringe at the thought of putting more of these quotes up, so in lieu ill describe some of the other sites ... amongst the others i found were a page that featured a huge "article" on how humans ARE NOT the cause of global warming (this followed immediatly with a story about an ex-KISS guitar player dieing), a blog who's mission statement has as the first sentence "Challenging the statement of 'Islam is peaceful' and describing the lifestyle and deeds of Mohammed.", and a crazy christian dude bitchin about how some other crazy christian dudes have a logo that bares a 5% similiarity to the eye of horus which was used by the egyptians and was the FALSE GOD THAT YHWH SENT THE PLAGUE AGAINST, and so theyre pretty much evil ... mmhm

i think this is trippin me out so bad because i (naturally) only surround myself with open-minded people that don't hate and fear monger, so when you are confronted and stared in the face with this unbelievably hypocritical rhetoric, it almost catches you off guard ... all those late nites sittin around drinkin and talkin/complainin about people like this, they somehow become more myth than reality... i mean, people dont really think like this, right ? ... and then quite suddenly you realize that they really do exist, they really think like that and their reach is huge thanks to the internet ... and all that sittin around drinkin/complainin aint helpin the situation one bit ...

anyway

bunnies, doin it

this is pretty incredible

i'm tryin to get the pimpernel to specialize in this

now THATS a broad

i dunno how i completely slept on this ... some real funny stuff ... my favorites (i only spent about 15 on the site) a rottweiler vs a rottweilers weight in chihuahuas and macgyver vs a-team

i seeeeeeeeeeee you!

Chemically Man Made Like the Incredible Hulk

That's unnatural!

'nilla distractions

so since yesterdays post was all serious and academic-like, i figured i'd go back to what is the backbone, the pillar, the foundation if you will of the bluntest ... random crap thrown together under a very loose theme used in an attempt to make you laugh

why can i can see bogardus havin a really great time with this

this story is from 2 years ago but features his press photo from about 16 years ago

oh man ... THIS is officially my new home page and desktop background

now yer a ninja!

i know theres a bunch of these out there but this one was particularly interesting ... like, i didnt know pacman had legs, mario used so much product in his hair, and that ninjas played golf

and remember kids ...

madness? this is sparta! ... oh no wait, you were right, it is madness

so i gave the ol lookin balls a treat this weekend and went to go see 300 at the imax on navy pier with a good friend in from out of town ... so while, it was "cool" visually, it definitely disappointed ... aside from all the obvious reasons the movie was crude; good vs bad as portrayed as west vs east, portraying all easterners as either monsters or androgynous weirdos that shave their eyebrows and repaint them on, portraying all westerns as something out of a gay porno fantasy that have the utmost credentials and ideas of freedom, democracy and liberty ...

well lets stop there ... obviously, the movie is going to take ITs liberties with the story in order to create something for an audience in 2007, however, every review/critique i have read claims that the movie is basically 90% accurate in its account of historical events, and that the real liberties were taken in visual portrayal, grandiose battles, and idolized looking spartans ... psuedo-citation here

the one line that really sticks out in my head is the queen of sparta (gorgo) saying verbatim "freedom isn't free" ... that coupled with the overall theme of persia (read:iran) as an aggressor that needs to be stopped by the good-hearted westerners was too much ... i also remember there being several scenes with the spartans talking about how absolutely inhuman it would be to enslave an entire race of people, how that went against their ideas of "democracy" and whatnot ... well, lets take a look ...

first off, the spartans held slaves, lots of em ... in fact, the reason why the spartan army was so large was because of slaves ... they were called Helots, and were very similar to serfs of medevel europe, well, in alot of ways they had it way worse ...

"Myron of Priene, cited by Athenaeus (XIV, 657 D), specifies the humiliations they were subjected to: they had to wear hats of dog skin (κυνῆ / kunễ) as well as sheep hides (διφθέρα / diphthéra) to distinguish themselves from others. The canine symbolism was clear to the Greeks: that of a servile and cowardly animal. Each year, the Helots were ritually flogged, apparently for no other reason than to affirm their servitude; though it seems that only a small group was actually flogged, symbolically representing the whole Helot population.

The image built up by available sources is unanimous: the Helots were ritually humiliated and psychologically abused.

Myron of Priene also indicates that Helots who became too fat were put to death, with their masters fined for letting them get fat."

more on that here

so it turns out the spartans owned SO many slaves they were afraid that they could easily revolt and takeover based on SHEER NUMBERS ...

"This hatred of the Spartans towards the Helots originates in fear: given the relatively small number of Spartans in comparison with the servile population, the natural fear that Helots would attempt to destroy them contributed to their mistreatment."

the Helots came from Messenia, another city-state on greece close to sparta ... and so basically in order to justify the constant beatings/mistreatment of the helots, the spartans would annually declare war on messenia in order to keep a sort of martial-law ...

sound similar to anything happening today ? (read:war on drugs, war on terror, etc)

to the spartans credit, they did treat the ladies pretty damn well, especially for the era ... women could own land, and did ... up to 40% of the land in sparta was controlled by women, who also had the same rights as men when it came to divorce, and were actually encouraged to have children by men other then their husband, as was the importance of the spartan city-state over the family unit ... and to bring us back to the movie, the scene where the shady politician guy is accusing the queen of adultery in front of the council and everyones lookin all bent-out-of-shape ...

... Plutarch claims that the concept of "adultery" was alien to the Spartans, and relates that one ancient Spartan had said that it was as possible "to find a bull with a neck long enough to stand on a mountain top and drink from a river below", as to find an adulterer in Sparta.

more on that here

and despite the homophobic quips in the movie, every account i could find on the interwebs leans more towards the fact that the spartans did practice pederasty

oh, and that comment in the movie about "turning your back side to the thespians" ...

The Spartans were joined by about 700 Thespians, who fought to the death with the Spartans, and the Theban detachment, whom Leonidas held as hostages and who deserted to the Persians at their first opportunity

more on that here

funny they left that out of the movie ... so the great liberators and heros of freedom (the spartans) held people hostage to fight for them ... for their freedom ... ohhhhh the ironing is delicious ...

the word is irony

alright!

now lets cross over to the dirty dirty islamo-irano-androgynous-fascist-terrorist persians and their infidel leader Xerxes I of Persia, ie Xerxes the Great ... on a side note, if you can get two "x"s in yer name, let alone, jus yer first name, props ...

well, the guy was at least a little nuts, even for the time ... when first attempting to cross the hellespont a storm rose and destroyed the bridges he had thus far built ... as punishment he literally had the water flogged 300 times and had fetters (ie shackles) thrown into the water for good measure ... thatll teach that smartass water ...

handel wrote an opera based loosely on his life

after that ... not too much info to be had ... he really didnt seem to do too much after trying to take greece and failing ... he simply might have gotten apathetic or just very comfortable living in the luxuries that an ancient king had at his disposal ... then he was assassinated by his right-hand-man

but what was life like in the achaemenid persian empire ? heres some snippets ...

... the Persians drank wine in large quantities and used it even for counsel, deliberating on important affairs when drunk, and deciding the next day, when sober, whether to act on the decision or set it aside.

Until the age of five children spent all their time among the women and never met the father, so that, should they die in infancy, he would not sorrow over their loss.

Herodotus also reports that Persian youths, from their fifth year to their twentieth year, were instructed in three things - to ride a horse, to draw a bow and to speak the Truth. Truth for the sake of truth, was the universal motto and the very core of the Achaemenid culture that was followed not only by the great kings, but even the ordinary Persians made it a point to adhere to this code of conduct.

epilogue:

to the creators of the movies credit (and reactionaries discredit), i dont think 300 was pushing any underlying agenda, per se ... however, looking through the lenses of modern day society, its kind of hard to not draw parallels with our (read:the US's) current situation in the middle east ... the rogue leader who's going it alone against a horde of infidels because he knows whats right even if the "senate" (or council, or whatever they called it in the movie) doesn't agree with him ... i guess it just seemed funny to me that throughout the whole movie, the spartans are fighting to protect their spartan values which were only the most outstanding, forward-thinking and honest of the time, when in reality, they were as bad if not worse as every other civilization of that era ... and the fact that the movie makers decided to ignore that is truly the short-coming of this flick ... i mean, portray shit evenly or portray everyone as wack, or portary everyone honestly ... were the spartans all good ? hell no ... were the persians all bad, of course not ... but especially now with modern day resentment and elevated hostility towards anything non-western, movie makers have a responsibility to not inflame these already sensitive areas ...

oh, and speaking of inflaming sensitive areas, that sex scene wit the queen and king was totally gratuitous

the end.

::addendum::

if you wanna learn more, here's some people talkin about this that are way smarter and mo betta versed than i ...

Touraj Daryaee, Professor of Ancient History at California State University, Fullerton

Interview with Paul Cartledge, Professor of Greek History at Cambridge University

bluntest posts down by almost 50%!

well gang, i did a lil research and it doesnt look good ....

standings for the month of

1. march, 2006 : 3 contributors with 34 posts
   
2. march, 2007 : 5 contributors with 15 posts

im jus sayin ...

in all fairness, i did used to post at least once a day (usually more) except for weekends ...

anyway, in the spirit of box-set best of, heres some of my favorites from jus over a year ago ...

you truly belong with us here among the clouds

bogardus attacks driznastic


driznastic counters

i woulda posted some shizz from der pimpernel but he only posts to cnn and none of those links are current anymore ...

oh, and heres a rant ...

so, currently in the gallery i work at, we have are exhibiting work by burtoonwood & holmes, a couple that lives in evanston IL ... there work is probably mostly categorized as anti-war, but its much more then that ... they attempt to explore (i think, anyway) and make us confront our nation's war-mongering and obsession with a consumerism that fuels said war-mongering as well as the idea of our culture being hostile ... anyway, if you cant tell from the pictures in the link they use junkmail to make these tanks/missles/bombs, etc ... currently in our gallery they have a missile made of junkmail and a bunch of small tanks made from junkmail, grocery store adverts, and mcdonald wrappers ... but the largest piece is this mini-bunker they made out of 1040 tax forms they printed on camo paper, as well as some little tanks made out the same 1040 camo forms ... well ... have you seen the newest cover of the new yorker ? (sorry, it was the best image i could find) .... pretty much straight ripped off this couple who've been doin this for at least a couple years ... weak sauce ...

c64

take yer new sooped up computer back to the glory days

plus

nice hi-res scans of "commodore user" magazine ... circa '83 ... speakin of brits, why did the commodore 64 keyboard have a dedicated key for the english pound ??

opposite day ... belated april fools ... ?

who recently said this on the topic of same-sex marriage...

"I think each state ought to have the capacity to decide how they want to handle those issues," he said. " . . . And I obviously think it's important for us as a society to be tolerant and respectful of whatever arrangements people enter into."

1. the good rev. phelps
   
2. hillary clinton
   
3. dick cheney
   
4. matt drudge

the answer ... ?

why C of course ! ... evil mastermind and all around creep-out-specialist VP dick cheney!

cheney then shed his fleshy "human" exo-skeleton revealing a scaly, slime covered organism; ramming his ovipositor into the chest of the cameraman and devouring half the interviewer while cocooning the remains for use in feeding his brood

Who Wants a Mustache Ride?

So you think you know all there is to know about the modern mustache . . . .

I got a 7 out of 9.

repostin other peoples shizzz

i know, unscrupulous

but its funny

wonkette, i love ya

Colored Pee and Chi-Town Cops

What color is your pee? (I think I may have posted a previous similar link, but I think this one is broader.) (The main link for that last post is kind of a weird site, though I didn't check it out completely.)

The first cop beat down.

Then another. Note that the other cops, after seeing their friend drunk and crying, took his gun away. WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING IN A BAR GETTING DRUNK WITH HIS GUN? THAT OUGHT TO BE ENOUGH TO GET HIS ASS FIRED!

Then another. I guess it's a family thing.

And a resignation. Funny that the cops who actually beat people up are still on the job. Not funny "ha-ha", but funny "Rodney King" funny. Which isn't funny at all.

Daley to rescue!!! Way to go.

On the plus side, violent crime is down. I guess Daley learned from Guilianni how to clean up town. And remember, the policeman isn't here to create disorder, the policeman is here to preserve disorder.

... the obscure tshirt producing planet known as "earth"

ok

so, this is more of a short little rant then anything ...

i am sick and tired of all these online crappy tshirt companies that just print catch phrases or shit from movies, or things off the tee-vee on a flimsy tshirt and then sell em for 12-18 bux (plus shipping) ! ... and the shit's not even designed well ... in fact most of them are awfully designed ...

tshirt hell is one exception, as their shirts are at least funny on the offensive level ... and threadless has ill designs ...

on my hate list ...

bustedtees.com ... ya jokes are old n stale ... yer colors are shitty, hire a fuckin designer ... yer fuckin cadence is off ... stage show is weak ...

snorgtees.com ... uber-weak ... stil sellin shirts with references to "anchorman"

crazyteeshirts.com ... small props cause i think i remember reading in a "savage love" article that they were the first (at least the first recognized by dan savage) to print "santorum" on a tshirt ... but, yeah, feel free to check the site out if you feel like feeling sorry for someone ... and especially if that someone is a guy who makes really unfunny tshirts

t-shirtcountdown.com ... looks like the kinda stuff you find at a really weeded out head shop ... plus, the first shirt in their "offensive" category is stolen outright from KoL ... not cool zeus, not cool ...

damnfunnytshirts.com ... advertising "rude, funny, offensive and witty" tshirts ... sir, i have known rude, funny, offensive and witty tshirts, i have worn rude, funny, offensive and witty tshirts ... you sir, are no rude, funny, offensive or witty tshirt

shockertees.com ... aight, you get the point, right ? ... on a side note im pretty sure i saw shocka-t open for yellowman at reggae sunsplash '85 ...

anyway, you get it ... im just tired of it ...

thankyou

driznastic