der pimpernel explained some things to me today ... i thought you'd all like to know ...
the scarlet pimpernel: did you know that if you're ever in court and someone brings a witness that says, "I saw him! I saw him stabbing that poor old woman! It was Driz- "Kaiser Sosay" -Nastic!" You can reply, "But isn't it true that your mother is a whore and you've genetically inherited her lying whore mouth?"
the scarlet pimpernel: totally legit move
driznastic: oh comon
the scarlet pimpernel: totally legit
driznastic: thats not objectable on some ground ?
the scarlet pimpernel: nope, iron clad
driznastic: relevance ?
the scarlet pimpernel: "genetically inherited her lying whore mouth"
driznastic: hahaha
driznastic: no
driznastic: there is no way you could say that
the scarlet pimpernel: totally legit
driznastic: and get away wit it
the scarlet pimpernel: I don't right the rules, I just follow them
the scarlet pimpernel: nor do I write the rules
driznastic: hah
the scarlet pimpernel: And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be allowed to accuse a witness that they genetically inherited their mother's lying whore mouth on grounds that is unsubstantiated on any ground
the scarlet pimpernel: if the witness really was a lying whore, you could say, "But isn't it true you are a whore who lies? And therefore you are a lying whore? And the words that you just spoke came from your lying whore mouth?"
the scarlet pimpernel: that would be totally legit
driznastic: uh huh
driznastic: see
driznastic: you need to open yer own school
the scarlet pimpernel: Especially if you could back it up with evidence, you could then present testimony of her police record that is covered with incidents of arrests and convictions for prostitution, sodomy, buggering, and other infamous crimes, follow that up with testimony of her clients and the lies she has told them, most notably that she is not the sweetest piece of ass in three states, as she likes to advertise
driznastic: pimpernel's skool of lawyerin'
the scarlet pimpernel: word dood
driznastic: jeesus
driznastic: you are on a roll today
the scarlet pimpernel: aight, lemme break it down like this, Federal Rule of Evidence 607, "the credibility of a witness may be impeached by any party" giving you the right to question whether or not she is telling the truth on cross-examination, FRE 608(a) "credibility of a witness may be attacked with evidence of opinion or reputation" allowing the testimony of her clients, FRE 608(b) "evidence of prior specific instances of conduct are only admissible on cross-examination" allowing substance of the clients testimony, her lying about being the sweetest piece of ass in three states, FRE 609 would actually prevent you from bringing in her arrest records, except any crimes involving dishonesty or fraud and any pertinent crimes that were punished by a year or more in jail
the scarlet pimpernel: see, not just making this shit up
the scarlet pimpernel: as for the whole whore thing, I don't know if prostitution is a felony, which I think FRE 609 is stating, felonies are admissible, misdemeanors are inadmissible
driznastic: uh huh ... how bout havin a lying whore mouth ?
the scarlet pimpernel: genetically inherited from her mom? probably not admissible, I wrote that at the beginning
driznastic: yeah, cause you would have to do alot of research on her moms
driznastic: bring in witnesses to testify that the mom was a lying whore
driznastic: before you could prove the daughter was a lying whore
driznastic: hm
driznastic: food for thought, i guess
the scarlet pimpernel: dood, I should write a story that involves all the Rules of Evidence
the scarlet pimpernel: make it realy fun, like that shit
the scarlet pimpernel: sell it for a gajillion dollars
driznastic: who would buy that ?
the scarlet pimpernel: students
the scarlet pimpernel: or West of LexisNexis
the scarlet pimpernel: trust me, a gajillion at least
the scarlet pimpernel: maybe even a brazilian
driznastic: LexisNexis ?
the scarlet pimpernel: oh yeah!
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