you tried keepin' it real ...

... but you should try keepin' it right!

i've covered vampire squids before on the ol' blog ... but here's two pictures that are way cool ... i think he likes you....

this guy rocks!

A new Proud American is ready to join the fight
against Illegal Immigration and America's Enemies!!!
Gianluca Zanna, former Legal Immigrant from Italy...
Today proud 100% American Citizen!

watch out mexicans, gianluca has YOU on his RADAR! and he's ready to PILE-DRIVE THAT ASS!!!! YARGGHHHHHH!!!!

oh, and by "guy", i mean "douchebag", and by "rocks", i mean "sucks donkey-balls"

i guess "this" still means "this"

GITONSTNAW!

jus some things i stole from other folks

someone should explain the concept of demographic marketing to these people ... hmmm ... i just can't decide who to be for halloween this year, ghandi or hitler ...

contents of jar unknown ... though i would guess a mixture of pimento, thousand island dressing, radish, and vomit

nowadays, we only use fear tactics to stir up hatred for the blacks and ay-rabys and gays but back in they day ... well, it was a simpler time ..

good ol' fashion nightmare fuel

filler

once again ... how come i didn't know that mario bros was released as an atari game ...

and from wikipedia

The Atari 2600 version is the least faithful of all versions, though it was well-received. Due to 2600 limitations, there is only one pest per floor at a time, and blocky graphics. The player can kick off the Slipice as it is icing a floor. Iced floors only heal at the coin phase. This version also resets the score to zero when surpassing 999,990 points.

so basically, this image on the back of the box is a lie

how do you sleep at night, you ... you ... italian paraquat !

hell yes

One Hundred Famous Views of Edo

the interface is sick

sick with disease

like gangrene

we gonna have to amputate kid

been a second

i got this job, it keeps me busy, and this band, it keeps me busy too ...

this website is pretty damn cool : very small array ... be sure to check the maps and charts ... for all sorts of useful information, such as ... number of presidents born to ihops (by state) ratio and other fun facts! population to mcdonalds / population to wal-mart / population to starbucks ... keep in mind states have different populations, so while california doesn't look like it, it does in fact have the most mcdonalds of any state in the union!

this pretty much sums up my whole life

Pure Logic

Can't argue with that.

But mostly because I don't know what the fuck you just said.

I'm Back!

Sorry I haven't posted in so long, my faithful blog fans (cause I know all 3 of you out there were worried). I got no internet at home and class has just started up and I'm moving in a week. I got lots to do.

This is why you don't want to live with Republicans. They'll kill you.

The Beatles are Evil. So listen to some poorly written/performed rock instead. God will love you more.

the drastics cd release show ... tomorrow nite!

THIS THURSDAY!
AUGUST 23rd
*AT*
THE BEAT KITCHEN, CHICAGO
2100 W BELMONT AVE
9pm, 18+

BI-CENTENNIAL CHEESE CURD APPRECIATION CONGRESS!
and
REGGAE SHOW!!

...featuring...

THE DRASTICS
chicago's favorite dub-reggae sons
DROPPING THEIR NEWEST CD RELEASE
“WAITING”

-and-

DR. RING-DING
german dancehall legend

~specifics for the night of the event~

tom riley
tenor sax, flute, dubs, clarifying statements, emoluments, convergance of cognition

kincaid smith
trumpet, song-crammin', iron lung deficiency, baffling salmagundis

brian citro
guitar, dubious encounters, votary of adam sandler, ability to limn the un-limnable

bijan warner
keys, 1337 H4x0r 5ki115, never doing anything immoral or bad, sand castles

chris merrill
bass, small plastic animals, sylvan splendors, autonomous creations

anthony abbinanti
drums, excessive verbiage, trencherman qualities, breadcrumbs

fada dougou
vocals, honey-dippin', hot-footin', gin-crackin'

zulu
vocals, lack of caesura, super-telescopic vision, incorporating simulacrum of thundercats

|| DISPLAYS OF PRESTIDIGITATION PROVIDED ON THE NIGHT ||

FULL SERVICE CHEESE BAR PRIVELAGES FOR MEMBERS OF THE SOCIETY

-+- RAFFLE PRIZES INCLUDE -+-
A VIOLENT DIRIGIBLE
LIFE TIME SUPPLY OF HAND-CRANKS
BOX OF USED TOOTH-PICKS
FLESH PRODUCTS
AUTOGRAPHED FRED SAVAGE LITHOGRAPHS
JUNK MAIL FOR IRANIAN PRESIDENT

THEDRASTICS.COM
MYSPACE.COM/DRASTICDUB

Don't Click On This Link!

DON'T!

DON'T!

DON'T!

the bluntest on life support ...

this gal draws some really cool stuff

1946. Admiral and Mrs. Blandy celebrate operation crossroads with an atomic cake. This frequently reproduced photograph captures an uncanny resemblance between Mrs. Blandy's hat and the mushroom cloud.

ready! ... and! ...... jazz hands!

that's bogardus in the back

easy post

hungry at 2am the other nite, i hit up grubhub.com ... and realized that a blog post of hilarious proportions was easy as posting customer reviews of flash taco ....

for those who don't know (though it should be apparent by the review), flash taco is a late nite taqueria (and i'm using that term very generously ... grease pit is more accurate) that you should only (i repeat, ONLY) eat, when you are so drunk you do not know any better ... and even then, if you have any REAL friends, they will stop you before doing so ... it's located in the slowly-being-gentrified neighborhood of wicker park and 3am on a weekend nite, it is a vision of my own personal hell ... crap food, drunk trixies and even drunker idiot-chad-marks either screaming in revelry or screaming at their drunk trick (for sucking off their boy, or what have you) ... for those who know, i'm not saying nothin' new ...

on a side note, i know i don't live in the most happening neighborhood in chicago (ukrainian village) but at 2am, there's only 6 places that will deliver to me ... i was expectin more for some reason ...

if we slept together, would you be my friend?

munkeynifefite

crotch buster!

christ all mighty ... i mean, i like body-mods n all that ... but .....

haha ... man, did they get that face right ... i know about 4 dudes that look jus like that ... except for the fish part

new for '89! ... dude, lightening fast 20hz of ram!

pilkipedia ... right ... treat the world ... like a head ...

there's a few things you need to know before we begin ...

effective anti-terrorism campaign

oh i dunno but its kinda funny ... some sort of sim screenshot montage of someone trying to kill their character? maybe ? i dunno

hell yes ... totally forgot about these guys ... and thank god we got nerds to ensure that no only is there a website dedicated, but it holds its namesake as well

i think these are all over the internets today ... hyena people of nigeria ... pictures by pieter hugo ... the picture on that page of the guy with the hyena was being sold by one of the galleries at art chicago this year ... it was blowed up real big and was a really striking image ...

i'm a lebowski, you're a lebowski ... lebowski fan book ... takin pre-orders currently, i think im gonna have to watch it tonite ...

unlike conan o'brien, don't fight bears ... brought to you by fujifilm!

corporate logo color breakdown ... i knew that blue was the most popular color, but damn

oh, jus some stuff

s'why my pappy don't let me go squid fishin' no mo ...

brpbrpbrp ... brpbrpbrp ... brp ... brpbrp ... whats that sound like ? ... think, old car ... model t beats hummer in 1000ft race ... no joke ... seriously, i hate those cars and the people that drive them ...

this scares me ... if anyone knows that that is, please let me know, id love to see the whole thing ...

ahem ... now, i like curves, specially of the female variety ... but somewhere in the area of 34-24-36 ... not 30-14-36 ... more on ms polaire

now listen up all y'all alkie stiffs, i don mind you cattin up on me campfire like ya do, but don't expects me to decorate the mahogany as well ... i's a gettin' mighty hooty .. hobo slang

old ladies with guns

how many people are proud of you?

sorry, more youtube ...

... directed by Martin Scorsese, starring Wesley Snipes, Flava Flav, Roberta Flack and Quincy Jones ...

the newest action-drama you may ask ?

nope ... it's the full-length intro to MJ's Bad

when i first watched this i was a little spooked out that i somehow missed this epic intro to one of MJ's biggest hits, until i read that it was in fact not released until 2001 on a DVD collection ...

and some more Bad trivia ...

The song was originally intended as a duet with longtime rival Prince. Quincy Jones, in an interview included in the Special Edition of "Bad", said that Prince told Jackson and him that he hadn't wanted to participate because "it would be a hit without (him)".
from this wiki page

when i first watched it, i didn't get the opening scene with the latino man asking MJ how many people were "proud of him" ... after watching the whole thing it made sense, and in my opinion says a whole lot with saying very little ...

thanks to bijan for the link!

oh, and ham, ham on it ... ham on whole wheat ... alright ...

goddamn i love weird als videos, and he is pretty spry for bein in that ginormous fat suit

Bluntest Points

Bogardus Slacks Alot would be my Native American name. I tried to find a good (or funny) Native American Name Generator to link here, but based on my recent research (read: last 4 minutes) Name Generators are the lamest thing on the internet. If you can find a Name Generator on the web that isn't totally stupid and boring, I'll give you 12 Blunt points, redeemable for cash prizes from The Pimpernel.

Listen, I've seen lots and lots of fake movie trailers online (and I am a bad blog contributor, so I probably didn't link most of them!), but this might be the best one ever made. If you didn't see the love between Zack and Slater before, subtract 3 Bluntest points. Because you need to see it now, in Brokeback by the Bell.

Are you offended? Lose 10 Bluntest points.

I remember when I was a kid that everybody pretty much hated their parents. Now, these kids have the chance to get a new daddy. Plus they get HDTV and XBOX 360. I hate these kids. Get 10 Bluntest points if you're over 18.

If you have over 20 points, Pimpernel owes you $3.15.

Congrats!

(P.S. Sorry its all YouTube, but thats where a lot of my time has been spent recently.)

this weekend!

aight, listen up all ya'll lil' reggae junkies, cause we got yer fix right here ...

THIS FRIDAY, AUGUST 10
@ :: MORSELAND (1218 w morse, chicago IL)
W :: grimy styles, dj papa g
T :: 9:30pm
$ :: 5

THIS SATURDAY, AUGUST 11
@ :: WILD HARE (3830 clark, chicago IL)
W :: heavy manners, dj chuck wren
T :: 9:30pm
$ :: ??

THIS IS PART OF OUR MONTH LONG RICK MORANIS TRIBUTE CONCERT SERIES!



SO GET TO THE SHOW, RICK IS COUNTING ON YOU!!

featuring ...

tom riley ... tenor sax, flute, dubs, horse hair hats, antique apiculture equipment, cutting the gordian knot

kincaid smith ... trumpet, loquacious fits, fugacious overtures, slummin'

brian citro ... guitar, activation of wonder-twin powers, lumpsucker fishin', woody allen fan-club president

bijan warner ... organ, keyboards, matt damon trvia, 19th century books on epidermal disorders, philomath revelry

chris merrill ... bass, overdeveloped risible muscles, lascivious hand gestures, impassioned pleas for "some-kind-of-sanity"

anthony abbinanti ... drums, suffering of a peculiar delirium of persecution, drinking very freely of whiskey, bbq triathlon regulatin'

fada dougou ... vocals, gimcrack hoarding, chthonic powers, paroxysm of words

zulu ... vocals, drinking in wassail, grandiloquent tendencies, legerdemain at chutes-and-ladder competitions

elliot ross* ... broken scapulas, hit 'n runs, not being able to play the guitar

***FREE BALLOON ANIMAL WORKSHOPS AFTER ALL PERFORMANCES (BYOBA)!

****DONKEY RIDES WILL BE PROVIDED ON THE NIGHT OF THE EVENT!!



IT IS OUR SADDEST OBLIGATION TO INFORM OUR AUDIENCE THAT ELLIOT ROSS HAS FALLEN VICTIM TO A HIT AND RUN WHILE RIDING HIS BIKE TO WORK ... HIS SCAPULA MAY BE BROKEN, BUT HIS SPIRIT PERSEVERES! SEND ELLIOT SOME TIDINGS OF GOOD CHEER IF YOU HAVE THE TIME, HE'S LAID UP AT HOME, ARM IN A SLING, CRYING HIS LIL EYES OUT ...

and if you don't believe me about elliot, check the hospital roster i found online ...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot Ross, white, male, 23? years, native of Ireland, laborer, recommended his commitment to the S.- I.- A. at Jackson, La. on October 30th – 1883, finding him insane suffering from “Chronic Alcoholism”.

Like all Irishmen, he is witty. He is gay & pleasant in his speech, at times rational, and then again he will wander off, and address imaginary persons or objects. He is a laborer, single, and has been a hard drinker for years. To use his own expression “I have been drinking every since before I was born; it runs through my nature.”

Petition filed Nov. 7/83, signed Nov. 10. Monroe, J.

-------------------------------------------------------------

nah, but seriously, he's busted, come buy him a drink

lookin' ball show : volume 4

i'm back with a revived spirit that would shame richard simmons ...

cool picture ... which is this

choose wisely ...

wrap ... it ... up!

if only i ate meat

ok, seriously we can stop this anytime guys ... even that's too offensive for me ... probably definitely the work of some over privileged, overweight white american kid who regularly refers to his online "friends" as "n*gga" but doesn't have even a single black friend ... ya know, i was about to go on an impassioned type-rant about how plastics (or something) must be destroying our ability to empathize, but this kind of insensitivity is really nothing new in the grand-life-span of human kind ... good work guys! way to show the world (or the internet world, anyway) that we haven't changed our thinking in 8000 some odd years!

to steal borrow a line from rockandrollconfidential ... he cries when he comes

gah! ... but i really wanna see it with a wig on for some reason ... and its this if you wanna know

shorpy's ... they got alot of pictures

huh? ... did i completely miss this show ... or perhaps, i too have been played the fool like nowhere man! ... gast! curse you secret US shadow government and your ability to make me completely forget about failed tv series from the mid-90s!

brilliant!

greatest = fattest

that's right UK ... you might think your on top of your game with you ... "free" health care and relaxed drug laws ... but you're still american, deep down in those cholesterol saturated veins ...

"Even milk and carrots, foods not traditionally associated with McDonald's, were gauged more appealing when carrying the chain's logo."

USA! USA! USA!

it's not that i don't have a life ...

that i'm posting blog entries at 10pm on a saturday nite ... its that i have to be at work till midnite or so to be chaperone for a private party in the gallery ... seriously ... no, really ... comon guys ... fine ... im sittin at home in my boxers with a half eaten carton of oreos on my lap, a beer in one hand and 3 tapes of the x-files ready for viewing! nah ... i wish though ....

anyway

heres 2 links i thought worthy

chicagoans and anyone who has seen the movie "wayne's world" is familiar with "eight car pile-up" or "the spindle" ... prolly without even realizing it ... the statue stands proud and tall in Berwyn's Cermak Plaza Shopping Center, berwyn, IL ... (which, for the record is no where near Aurora, IL (wayne's hometown) oh, and also for the record, Aurora, Il is not a suburb of chicago) ... well, long story short, they're tearin the damn thing down ... which sucks (though some people rallied against it) ... on a personal note, that statue, and in fact that very mall carries a strong nostalgic weight with me ... you see, behind that very mall is where The Feast takes place every year, so i have been traveling to fair Berwyn since i was 1 years old, and just the sight of its dilapidated stores and awesome (though thoroughly run down) public art brings a really warm feeling to me ... what is the The Feast you ask ? its an awesome catholic (with heavy pagan [read: old world]) traditions! its the Maria Santissima Lauretana di Altavilla Milicia Feast!

so as the stories goes ... a long time ago near the town of Altavilla Milicia, Sicily, a painting washed up on the shore ... a painting of st. francis prayin to the virgin mary holdin a little baby jesus (i searched everywhere on the interwebs for this painting, but couldn't find nothin) thinking it was a sign of good luck, fishermen from altavilla who were near the shore grabbed it ... however, some people from near by village also claimed ownership over it (i mean, the painting had to have been dropped from heaven ... right?) ... so they decided to settle it the only way sicilians know how ... that's right ... they made a huge boat with wheels and had their oxen pull it in a game of tug-o-war (take THAT sicilian sterotype!) ... so, yeah, as should be obvious, our village won, and hazah! from that time forth we have this feast honoring the virgin mary (how the catholic church gets away with this kinda idolatry, ill never know) ... it's actually a really great time, full of food vendors, carnival games, the sicilian marching band of chicago (which i almost joined back in HS), rides, live entertainment, little girls dressed up like angels and strung out over a crowd 20 ft up who chant prayers in italian (2 of my cousins were those girls one year back in the 80s), giant floats with a copy of the painting on it carried by members of the society ... the works! ... of course its nothin like what it used to be (at least according to my pops) when it was held in chicago-proper in an entirely italian community (i think down near 16th street?) where scantly a word of english was heard, and ONLY italians attended ... of course, that was 50 years ago also when immigrant communities were still extremely tight knit ... anyway, that was a tangent ... it's really a shame that there's absolutely no web presence for this rich/storied organization ... hmmm ... maybe i should do somethin about that ... here's the best i could find ... its a video about italians coming to chicago, but all the footage of guys in red do-rags carrying something huge is from our feast ...

anyway

here's 1500 filipino inmates re-enacting MJs "thriller" in unison

lookin' ball show : volume 3

bivalves got ya all hot and bothered ?

i wish this was a joke

and if you don't know, now you know

i remember that

questionable in its taste, still damn funny (except that you know it was made by white kids with no black friends)

im not on-the-ball when it comes to the internets these days ... so here's this that everyone prolly already knew about ...

i really want to believe this isn't photoshopped

once again, begging the questions ... what the fuck japan?

spencer gifts ... selling you crap since 1950 ... but at least now they got it pretty much worked out to those electric-touch-globe things and fake poo

examples of why i hate pop/commercial music ... and why i hate the fans even more ... pathetic really ...

THE BLUNTEST IS DEAD!

LONG LIVE THE BLUNTEST!

ok, so maybe not dead, but on serious hospice care ... i remember a certain bogardus whining to get back on ONLY TO NEVER POST! haha! nah, im jus playin, but fo real, whats up, are you like, ever gonna post ? PSYCH! i dont want ya dumbass posts, but like, seriously, where they at, cause i miss em ... ENGH! no i don't i don't even know what a blog is! JOKES ON YOU!!!!!

your science for the day, and by science i mean ... bar graph ...

the two iraqi veterans then proceeded to beat down the president with their new appendages (note: i have no context for this story, so have no idea if in fact those are veterans, i am just to make with the funny)

i think this mighta been posted on our fair blog before

married to the sea

the greatest jpg ever!

wish i had thought of that ... ladies and gentleman, i give you The Emperor of these United State and Protector of Mexico ... H.I.M. Joshua A. Norton