Wait, what?

"Chris Kennedy, the son of the late Robert F. Kennedy, is taking steps to run for Senate and could announce his candidacy as early as next week, a source close to the Kennedy family told CNN Wednesday. . . . If elected, Chris Kennedy would follow in the footsteps of his father, Robert, who represented New York in the Senate before being assassinated in 1968." Is CNN predicting Chris Kennedy is going to get assassinated?

Reefer

Here, in what could be called the Fort Knox of dope, Mahmoud ElSohly waits patiently as an assistant unlocks the stainless steel door to a climate-controlled vault.

I love it when newspapers try to sound like two guys talking on the corner.

We Got Both Kinds, Country and Western

""I think the fact that Mitt Romney succeeded as much as he did and remains an important and central figure in our Republican Party -- and I wouldn't be surprised to see him run again -- is a testimony, I think, to the inclusiveness of the Republican Party," said McCain, R-Arizona." Yes, the Republican party is very inclusive in taking all wealthy, white, christian men.

NEWS! NEWS! NEWS!

CNN Headlines, unedited:

Yanks to hide Wang on disabled list?

Bag of poo sent home in kid's backpack (This is seriously the only time I was thinking of buying a t-shirt with a cnn headline on it)

Ha, the url says "poop". CNN called the shit poop! CNN, you are the cause of the decline in journalism. Stay classy Atlanta.

Why Build a Fence?

Scared the illegals are taking American jobs? Well, you shouldn't! Cause there aint no jobs for them to take!



Cannibals!

Kelly Osbourne

So I was poking around CNN today, just reading some articles, when I noticed that Kelly Osbourne going to a medical facility was the number 9 story of the most read stories on CNN.com. The article isn't that really interesting, except for one little nugget: "She's been absent in recent weeks from a British radio talk show in which she dispenses life advice to young people." She has a radio talk show where she gives people life advice? Really? And apparently the show is called the Surgery. Don't know what that's all about. And here's an interesting bio of both people who host the show. I'd give you the funny parts to both bios, but the entire things are funny.

GUPTA GUPTA GUPTA!!!!

CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta was approached by the White House to be the next surgeon general. Why is this a big deal?

So I can bring back this. I thought that was a funny post. (Note the part where I criticize CNN for burying an article warning of a recession. I'm awesome!) Anyway, the Gupta Squad might be running America's cigarette warning agency or something.

Ooh - I get to use the "Gupta" tag again!

Worst CNN Headline

I guess it's not a headline, but it's what the link says that takes you to the article. Why they don't use the headlines as the link, I don't know. Anyway:

Andrew Jackson: Great leader or angry hick?

The best thing is that it doesn't label it as commentary. Thanks CNN!

Because there's an opening for "The Decider"

RNC chair Duncan to decide future this weekend

I hope he decides I do well on finals this semester.

More Fun with CNN

Actual headline: Roses red/Violets blue/I have STD/So do you

It's a public health article that looks a lot like an advertisement for e-card websites that allow you to tell your intimate friend(s) that you got shot by Cupid's arrow and now there's an open sore and that they too might want to get checked out.

(I'd link to their website, but I'm at work. I'd rather get in trouble for blogging than going to an STD website.)

I really hope they use this as an e-card:

Best Picture Ever

From CNN: "A doctor told the author to visualize her husband's face on a cartoon sperm, with arms welcoming her egg." Gross.

Fishburne is joining the cast of CSI

Fishburne, 47, received an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Ike Turner in 1993's "What's Love Got to Do With It" and a Tony in 1992 for "Two Trains Running." He was a Tony nominee this year for the one-man show, "Thurgood," about Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall. His film credits include the "Matrix" sci-fi films, in which he played Morpheus; "Apocalypse Now"; "The Color Purple"; "Mystic River"; "21"; "Akeelah and the Bee"; and "Biker Boyz." (I bet he wishes they didn't mention "Biker Boyz", but then again, maybe that appeals to the CSI crowd's appreciation for bad acting.)

Fun with CNN

CNN is really raising the bar for journalism: Amateur journalism on an LA burlesque house and theater. (NSFW in case you couldn't tell by the word "burlesque") Here's a good quote: "It's not about nudity, it's about story telling" . . . and I get my subscription to "Juggs" for the articles. And, no real surprise here, the burlesque show pays for the actual theater portion. One last thing on this theater: they have a children's theater school. If only I had teachers when I was young whom I could look up on the internet and see dancing around in corsets.

As for the actual reporting, CNN apparently is now allowing amateur commercials to be shown on their website. I think the requirement is the commercial must include sex, animals, or children wearing or doing something comical.

Now for Other Articles:

"Mayor John Molony found himself under attack Monday over comments he made to a local newspaper that read: "May I suggest if there are five blokes to every girl, we should find out where there are beauty-disadvantaged women and ask them to proceed to Mount Isa."" Cause a big fat woman will keep you warm at home

The lagging economy has stopped teenage girls from dressing like whores . . . DAMN YOU REPUBLICANS!!!

Chinese Bible laws are very much like US drug laws: "Under Chinese law, it is illegal to bring printed religious material into the country if it exceeds the amount for personal use." Gideon would be SOOO busted.

Bush is Getting Ideas

Someone should tell the journalists in Georgia (Europe, not US) that there's a cease-fire because the journalists are still finding ways to get themselves shot. Seriously, how can you have a cease-fire if people insist on getting shot? (By the way, there's blood in this video. Not a lot, but just a heads up.)

*** UPDATE: Here's another video of journalists getting shot at in Georgia. Different incident. Note at the end, the camera man is trying to get a shot of a soldier's face. Instead he gets the butt of his gun.

The Chinese Are Crazy

Not the Chinese people, but the Chinese government. Here's some nuggets from the Olympics that also illustrate some of the reasons why I'm against them being held in China:

Lin was lip-syncing to the sound of another girl, 7-year-old Yang Peiyi, who was heard but not seen, apparently because she was deemed not cute enough.

Cute, but can't sing
Ugly, but can sing

And then there's the whole anti-religion thing: Those Christians who want to avoid the state-controlled religious movements meet in unofficial buildings or even each others' homes - hence their description as "house churches" - risking fines, imprisonment, torture and even, in some cases, death.

And you can't forget the creepy treatment of Houston Rocket, Chinese-born Yao Ming: The Chinese government had monitored his birth because of the perfect physical and athletic genes of his parents, forever treating him as something of a science project.

There's plenty of other reasons, some noted before, and others that haven't been noted on this, the greatest of blogs.

*** UPDATE: I totally got the jump on Wonkette for this post by over an hour. Up yours professional bloggers!

Nergasm

O! M! G! Like playing naked Dungeons and Dragons with Madonna.

Holy Crap

Bus passenger beheaded seat mate, witness says

What the fuck?

And in other news the Chinese are a bunch of lying Commie bastards. Which isn't really news, now is it?

And introducing a whole new world of desperation and childishness (possibly NSFW, but maybe your boss may find this as hilarious as I did, and if your boss does find it as hilarious as I did, then maybe you should be looking for a new job)

And Christopher Robin Cried

Bear Stuck in Jug is Shot

Normally I'm Against the Death Penalty

But not when it results in hilarity! That Christopher Scott Emmett, what joker! (Except when he's beating his coworker to death with a brass lamp so he can take his money and buy crack, of course.) "Tell my family and friends I love them; tell the governor he just lost my vote," Emmett said in the chamber before he died. "Y'all hurry this along. I'm dying to get out of here."

Rednecks Ruin the Republican Party

"I believe 9/11 could have been prevented if we'd had a Republican president at the time," . . . . someone should tell that dood that Bush was president at the time. Well, at least he's not making a billboard out of it.