Today In Erotic News

"It's a jail escape that started with a grain truck and ended with Sheriff's deputies having to strip . . . . He wasn't going anywhere. He looked back a few times and continued his attempt at the doggie . . . . It became quickly apparent that Smith wasn't going to get very far. . . and began to bob up and down, struggling to keep his head . . . . The two deputies looked at each other and knew they had to try and help the man. 'We both undressed and jumped in.' They notice Smith was tiring, taking longer to come up for air . . . . Smith was taken to the hospital to be checked out. The deputies weren't injured, just cold and dripping wet."

Socks and Panties

"If you think these and the panties are yours, email me with the the color of the panties, and whether the panties have glitter all over them (hint: yes they do)."

Craigslist Erotica (By the way, I want to know where you can get your drinks "to-go")

"Skokie swift too swift" (My nickname in college!)

More Erotica!

"You live in my building ... - m4w" She lives in your building. Maybe Craigslist is the worst medium for getting her attention EVER!!! And, yes, I'm being judgmental.

totally ...

Got this in my inbox today with the subject line "Totally Fucked".

Indeed it is. 45 minutes, and NSFW-ish. The documentary is shot really well but is also extremely compelling. More than any of that ... it is very very strange.

"They're very static. They just don't react at all. But... if you don't mind that, then they're really good fun. It's certainly better then going without any girl ... company at all."

Guys and (Real) Dolls


Editorial Addendum:
Ok, look. I don't care if you fuck dolls in your parents house. Seriously. Do yer thing, if that's what turns you on, go for it! Fuck cardboard cut outs for all I care! But ... please, please, please, don't refer to these dolls as living or juxtapose emotions onto them. Don't say things like "she's sleeping" or "we're going to miss each other very much". Neither of these things are true and you know that. They are inanimate, devoid of feelings, unable to show even a scintilla of love. Thanks!

More Fun with CNN

Actual headline: Roses red/Violets blue/I have STD/So do you

It's a public health article that looks a lot like an advertisement for e-card websites that allow you to tell your intimate friend(s) that you got shot by Cupid's arrow and now there's an open sore and that they too might want to get checked out.

(I'd link to their website, but I'm at work. I'd rather get in trouble for blogging than going to an STD website.)

I really hope they use this as an e-card:

BAD PUN ALERT

I gave Sarah Palin a pearl necklace! (Yowza!)

Best Picture Ever

From CNN: "A doctor told the author to visualize her husband's face on a cartoon sperm, with arms welcoming her egg." Gross.

Sexlympics

We've flattened their fingers, we've branded their buns, Nothing is working: SEND IN THE NUNS! (If you don't get it, click here)

Yowza!

Ping Pong Sluts (TM Drisnastic):“We are trying to push the players to use skirts and also nicer shirts, not the shirts that are made for men, but ones with more curves,” International Table Tennis Federation (ITTF) vice president Claude Bergeret said.

stole

via wonkette

i chortled burrito upon reading.

Humping Furniture

Careful, it'll get your ass tossed in jail! (I love the related item articles too!)

News report too. And for some reason youtube links "Champagne Supernova" with patio furniture fornication. Maybe because they're both so unsatisfying?