I might be going to hell

but I'm taking you all with me

Will Smith

Apparently Will Smith said some stuff about Hitler. Notice in the article the Red Eye/Chicago Tribune quotes the Jewish Defense League. Yeah, the JDL is a terrorist organization, probably not a group the Trib wants to be quoting. You might remeber the group from a previous post.

youtube gallery show

crap! i've been busy, so sorry for the lack of posts ... makin all my xmas presents n cards n things .... plus the holidaze parties and what not ... so here's some shizz thats been in my eyeballs for a while ... i don't think its too fresh ... but incase you missed it ...

with yo triflin' ass ... MILTON! ... r kelly. real talk. yeah, i hate this guy for f'real. the fact he comes from chicago just exacerbates the hate, as he reps my hometown ... and he's in some big trouble again for missing some court case cause his tour bus got pulled over in utah and the driver hadn't been logging his hours, and theres all these laws that commercial drivers can only drive up to x amount of hours a day (i don't know what the number is) so, yeah ... real talk.

we don't go to the mall, we don't go out to eat ... snoop dogg's "sensual seduction" ... my vote for video of the year, clip is both hilarious and badass ... the winning combo in my book

who doesn't like seein' drunk hicks on lawnmowers gettin pulled over and pepper sprayed ? well, if it's you, don't click that link

my man archo89 has about 90 original iron chef episodes online ... seriously, archo89 is some kind of god ...

as for the holidays, i plan on gettin, but not limited too ...

chuckfaced
hamperjacked
hooptywrecked
jimmychucked
crowfaced
horseliptied
colliemoufed
screwlipped

et al

Worst news story ever

Why this was linked on cnn.com's home page headlines? I don't know.

*** Editor's Note: This story is not the original story. The original story which was posted was about the beaver being "sentenced to death."

Bogardus: Artist

He always felt like an artist, but he couldn't draw

Bogarus' own personal John Baptiste Philouza

And the reference from above

the legend of the legend of legend

so, like all city-dwelling rubes, i am susceptible to viral and mass marketing done by corporations that have more money then most small countries ... the one that has been on-going-ly been making me wonder "just what IS that about" is "i am legend" ... obviously, it wasn't nagging me to the point of actually doing something, as it's the day of the opening (in chicago) and i only knew THAT cause NPR did a little review of it ... but i did do a lil research, and here's what i learned ...

1. its a book from 1954 orginally called "the last man on earth"
2. this is the 4th movie version of the book, the first version being an italian production starring vincent price
3. another version from the 70s called "the omega man" starred charlton heston

i don't know what the full plot of the new movie is, but the original book version sounds pretty happening ... not only is the premise of the book a sort of psychoanalyzes (obviously projected) of someone going mad from loneliness, but contains a twist i think is really clever ... spoiler warning (for the original which doesn't follow the will smith version) ... coming up on the next line ...

so basically the protagonist robert neville is the only person fully immune to a virus that has killed or transformed everyone on earth ... the people transformed are more or less vampire/zombies ... however, unbeknown to neville, some of the transformed are still "living" and are not "crazy go-for-broke" movie vampire/zombies ... since these "living" vampire/zombies retain the qualities of the crazy vampire/zombies neville cannot distinguish between the two kinds and thusly never even hypothesizes that there is a difference ... so each day neville goes around killing sleeping vampire/zombies, "living" or "dead" ... the "living" vampire/zombies finally get tired of being killed in their sleep, and dispatch a young girl (ruth) to neville who takes her in (as a prisoner at first) but the two eventually form sort of relationship, presumably based on neville's incredible loneliness and his hope of curing the world of this virus ... neville runs tests on her, and upon learning that she is not "carrying" the virus is abruptly knocked out (by ruth) allowing her escape ... neville continues in his daily routine of killing vampire/zombies until they attack his home in full force, not killing him, but taking him captive to be executed in a public display in front of the entire society of vampire/zombies ... for you see, he had become the freak, the dracula, the "legend" of evil in the day (originally night) ...

and



and this is insanely accurate, i recommend you try it, it nailed mine ...

Monkeys in the News

I love me a good monkey story.

Roaming, thieving monkeys sought in roundup

So I read that article and tried to leave a comment on it on cnn's page. I don't think they'll let me post it. But if you see a comment by McDangle from Murfreesboro, then you'll know the Scarlet Pimpernel has struck again! Because I don't think they'll post it, I'll just post it here:

"'The city is filled with tales of people having to beat off a crazed monkey with a broom on their porch.' Last time I was beating a monkey off on my porch, the neighbors threatened to call the cops."

Yeah, I'm clever with the masturbation puns.

lookin' ball show : volume 7

DEAD DOG(?) WITH WIG/CHOICE OF A NEW GENERATION/MORE SWEET FACIAL HAIR BUT HE'S NOT ALL FUN N GAMES/METAL/THIS GUY KICKED SO MUCH ASS HE HAS A MUSTACHE STYLE NAMED AFTER HIM/BABIES/JESUS, METAPHORICALLY/QUALITY/THE CLOWN'S GOT BIRD FLU

WGN Morning News

I love WGN morning news. One of the doods, the two time Silver Dome Award winning Larry Potash, kind of does a fun "see what I found on the internet" type thing. Yeah, it's a lot like what we do here at the Bluntest, but we don't get paid. (Driznastic, get us some sponsors!) And also, we like to try to keep it a little classier here. Seriously.

Sure, we had 2 posts in the past week that were a little racy. I'd link you to them, but I'm lazy. Just scroll down to Driznastic's "Girly Show" and my "Primaries." Not terribly racy, just some hot cartoons and some hot politician's wives. So Larry. O've seen his segment a couple times including: The Hooter's girls, this morning's segment on Pillow Fighting Championship (yeah, it's a sexy naught, sometimes naked event, nsfw-ish), and a buy a date online escort site that he found. To be honest, I think the escort site was a result of him not having anything to present that day, he did a last minute search, found that, got about halfway through and realized it was prostitution, then quickly turned off the screen.

Holiday Season Safety

It's that time of year again, so I want all of you out there to have a happy and safe Holiday Season. That means if you're a 9 year old boy, stay away from parade floats.

Poor kid. And apparently, "parade watchers shouted at the driver to back up, but the pickup truck pulling the Greater Heights Family Worship Center float ran over Jordan a second time." And that has to suck.

But seriously, how often can 9 year old boys be run over by Christmas floats? (If you said about once a year, you're right!)

Maybe in a couple years, this kid can continue the tradition

And if you're going to get a DUI, do it in style!

CORN SHUCKIN n BUSKIN in MADISON with THE DRASTICS - TONITE!

ATTENTION
TONITE
ANNUAL CORN SHUCK n BUSK
WITH SPECIAL GUESTS
THE DRASTICS
AT
THE ANNEX, MADISON WI
9pm, 21+

This was a signal for a big time. Now just sitting down to a big pile of corn and shucking it out is work. That is, if a feller had to do it alone. But when it meant seeing your best girl, that was different. That's when work went out and play came in. Nobody knows who first thought up a corn-huskin' on a boy-girl basis, but he was a smart man. He was wise enough to know that if he wanted a crowd big enough to do the job he would have to have some other attraction than merely a group of countrymen sitting around a pile of corn and working away until midnight. So, the corn shuckin' became a social event.

Primaries are A' Comin'!

I think we've been a little devoid of political talk regarding the upcoming Presidential primaries. So, in order of importance:

Kucinich has got himself a hottie hippy with a tongue piercing, and, yes, she's about a foot taller than he is. And she doesn't eat meat. Quit your snickering.

And Fred Thompson's daughter is pretty hot, too! (What's that? That's his wife? She must really like Law and Order)

(On a side note, this is Salman Rushdie's wife. Pretty hot, kind of looks like the foreign student from American Pie)

From Russia with love, here's Gorbachev's granddaughter! Best thing to come from the communist bloc since vodka.

Oh yeah, the primaries.

Ron Paul supporters at least have a kick ass RV. Take that Straight Talk Express! And what have we learned from this? Old people have a lot in common. Mainly RVs and conservativism.

That's all for now, with so many candidates out there it's hard to cover them all in just one post. Oh, and if you want some more information other than who has the hotter wife or who's supporters ride in the cooler van, click here. Who'd have thought that as many Republican candidates oppose the death penalty as Democrats? Perhaps more on that later.

TONITE at REGGIES in CHICAGO

TONITE!
at
REGGIES'S ROCK CLUB
Chicago, Ill.
21st and State

THE DRASTICS
FAMOUS DUB REVIEW and PORCELAIN TEETH!
COME CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE REPEALMENT OF OUR NATIONS PROHIBITIONARY STATUS

The Subscribers respectfully inform the Public, and the Citizens of Chicago and Cook County in particular, that they have established a Show for the purpose of entertaining the populace between the aforsaid places, and also for the convienance of consumption of libation and dance ... It will begin at Reggie's Rock Club in Chicago on the eve of Wednesday the 5th of December in the year of our lord 2007.

Patrons may rest assured, that this establishment will be much more enjoyable than any heretofore established within the Town; having of the finest songs, and a propensity towards merriment.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 5, '07,
Citizens, prove yourself worthy of the 21st Century,
HUZZAH FOR THE DRASTICS!

girly show!

nic klein has ill illustrations ... like this one ...


if you are uninitiated to the phenomenon that is 2girls1cup consider yourself lucky ... and do yourself a favor, do not google it or attempt to find it any other manner ... if you are familiar though, you might be interested in this review of the film ... even if its a fake, its still pretty good ...


and now back to chicks to being hot ... every playboy centerfold ... pretty well put together website ... we'll see how long it stays up (well, no, i'm not gonna keep that close tabs on it) ... but of course the one i'm most interested in (bettie page) is busted ... this is obviously nsfw, right ?

back to scary broads Jocelyn Wildenstein ... watch her transform ... and to think, MJ thought he invented this kinda thing ... more on her

... but i will f*ck a bird up ...

The eating of the ortolan has ethical eating groups baying for blood. First, it is caught with a net in the forest. Taken alive, its eyes are poked out and the bird is put in a small cage. It's then force-fed oats, millet and figs until it has swollen to four times its normal size. Then the bird is drowned alive in fine cognac. Then, it's roasted whole, in an oven at high heat, for six to eight minutes. Once it reaches the table, a napkin is placed over the eater's head. The technique of eating the ortolan is to put the whole bird into the mouth, with only the beak protruding. Here sadism mingles with masochism. The first taste as you crunch on the bird is the brandied flesh and fat. Then, the bitterness of the guts follow and finally, as the tiny, delicate bones are being chewed on, they will lacerate the diner's gums, with the salty taste of the bleeding gums mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the organs. Chewing the ortolan takes approximately 15 minutes.

more

....... delicious

how can you not love this guy !?

christmas is coming soon

content !? you want content !? we simply accumulate and disseminate here ...

real official

rock paper scissors championship bout ... 2006!

remember when just posting youtube clips was considered in bad taste for blogging ?

back with bats

this is a real long article ... but interesting (it's actually just one chapter in the book "Bats, Mosquitoes and Dollars" By Dr. Charles A. R. Campbell") ... it all derived from this image i found at shorpy of the municipal bat-roost of san antonio, 1916. but what purpose could this structure serve, except maybe as a sanctuary for dracula and his cohorts (why else would they put a cross on top!?) ...

Very many thoughts of this nature crossed the author's mind, long before this work had even a good theoretical basis. It was realized that the burning question, the great desideratum, would be (if the work were ever to be brought to a reasonable degree of perfection), "Can bats like bees be colonized and made to multiply where we want them?" If this could not be done, there would be little use in continuing a work that would represent only scientific value, when the fundamental idea was to accomplish the eradication of that world-wide disease, malaria, which Nature intended man, and man only, to carry.

pretty strange way to deal with a pandemic ... but do whachu gotta do

lookin' ball show : volume 6

001	002	003
004	005	006
007	008	009

SCIENCE!

Scientists find fossil of enormous bug

"British scientists have stumbled across a fossilized claw, part of an ancient sea scorpion, that is of such large proportion it would make the entire creature the biggest bug ever."

Human observation of dark energy may shorten the life span of the universe

"Dark energy, coupled with the fact that the expansion of the universe is accelerating, suggests that the Big Bang did not produce a zero-energy vacuum, but another metastable false vacuum. Using the analogy of a decaying radioactive atom where shifts in energy states occur at random, Professor Krauss says that "it is entirely possible [the energy state of the universe] could decay again, wiping the slate of our universe clean." In a nutshell, this would mean that we, and everything we know, would cease to exist."

A feat of Cuban science

10 years after the discovery and identification of the remains of Che and his comrades

12 Questions With... President of Creation Museum

But such death and disease (like cancer in dinosaur bones) could not be described by God as "very good" as He did when He finished the creation. Most of the fossil record is the graveyard of Noah's Flood.

Mad Science (a list of scientists gone wild)

What happens if you give an elephant LSD? Researchers solved this mystery on August 3, 1962, when Warren Thomas, director of Lincoln Park Zoo in Oklahoma City, fired a cartridge-syringe containing 297 milligrams of LSD into the rump of Tusko the elephant ... the researchers tried to revive him with a variety of antipsychotics, but about an hour later he was dead.

Fungus having sex on your head

Then they found out that not only does an icky fungus live on your head and cause dandruff - but it could be having sex. On your head. Right now.

Underwater Lake

As we descended from the south flank of the AC 601 mound, diving down into the central crater, an amazing scene slowly revealed itself below us. There at the bottom of this crater on the ocean floor, at a depth of approximately 2330 meters (7644 feet) was a “lake.” We were approaching the shoreline, the first feature to come into focus. It had a “swash zone and beach ridges” that mimicked features one could observe along the coastline of the northeastern Gulf’s Florida panhandle. more

Back from the Dead

Ok, I'm back. I can't promise a slew of posts, but you'll take what I give you and like it. Exams coming up, so unless you want to hear about the public policy reasons for and against the indemnification of punitive damages in civil cases . . . .

Check that out, cause I like monkeys

In 1977, educational psychologist Mary Joan Willard started training capuchins - small, dexterous tree monkeys commonly seen with people such as organ grinders and David Schwimmer

A Bulletted List of Interesting Links

• You better not be standing in the way when Nana needs to watch her stories!
• In older news, The media has no idea what to do with Stephen Colbert
• Darth Vader was a dick
  
• art rules

Turkey Day

nice lil game

i don't know what this game is called, but the ol' lady hipped me to it ... it's pretty damn cool though, kinda like a simple version of "settlers of catan" or something ... it'll make sense after a couple of runs ... enjoy!

threatened by white reggae jackasses

we're gonna try an experiment today ... it's kinda like madlibs, but instead i write a story around the bizarre pictures i find hidden in the buried tubes of the interwebs ...

this is a story about the world's one and only protestant christian reggae band, Reformation Rockers. from left to right that's sleepy (bass), smirky (guitar, vocals), shirtless (lead vocals) and phil (drums). that photo was taken fresh off a successful concert/bombing at st. o'calahan's basillica in southern ireland. the band had actually started to think about calling it quits after shirtless started drinking with more and more disregard, and regularly waking up soaked in his own urine. rejuvenated by such a killer performance (pun intended), the band called up the russian kid they had been secretly been training to replace shirtless and told him they weren't gonna be needing his services after all. well, this didn't sit too well with the russian kid who had just quit his own one man band The Purpleists (artists rendering) in anticipation of being asked to come onto Reformation Rockers full time. The Purpleists was a sort of prog-latin band with heavy russian hair metal influence, their most popular album We're Not So Purple failed to break into the Western charts. Feeling extremely slighted by Reformation Rockers decision, in a flurry of anger, the russian kid dispatched his aquatic white tigers to destroy the Reformation Rockers. Expecting some kind of retaliation for their decision, the Rockers were ready to do battle with the combined forces of pissed off dirt girl and nikola tesla and his infamous balls of flame! The stage was set, both parties met on a plateau in the Scottish highlands READY FOR BATTLE! And what a battle it was, with the russian kid deploying his aquatic white tigers like a skilled chess player, while pissed off dirt girl and tesla flanked and drew them out into the open. A nice crowd had gathered to watch the event, and the Reformation Rockers were cheering their team on when suddenly phil began to look quite ill, then convulse and fall to the ground sweating, his eyes blinking incessantly where upon his body seemed to be grabbed by some spectre invisible to to rest of his band. You see, phil had been keeping a terrible secret, for the past 3 months he had been consistently seized, violently, by shocking images of the pope being compared to things! Not wishing to reveal these planted doubts to his bandmates, phil kept silent, but now the jig was up. (oh, and when i said scottish highland, i meant a huge soccer stadium in scotland) Meanwhile, the battle raged on the field. The pissed off dirt girl had just finished devouring her third aquatic white tiger, while tesla kept the heat up, toasting tigers as they leapt off cliffs. But then jesus came down, declared matt damon sexiest man, and everyone gave up.

oh, and AWWWWWWWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

and

people like this really exist, ie that was not made as a joke

but hey, that jesus picture is pretty amazing.

oh yeah, so half way through this i was (seriously) almost assaulted at my job by this joke-ass "musician" who hadn't yet been paid for playing the festival i work for. his check was (seriously) in the mail, but that didn't stop him from coming up with brass knuckles on (seriously) that were personalized with his last name (seriously) and screaming at me for about 15 minutes straight, STRAIGHT (seriously) ... he then laid into me personally cause he knows im a reggae musician as well, basically saying that it was cause of "pussies like me that REAL musicians can't afford to be musicians" ... what he was referring to, i couldn't say ... i kept trying to TALK with him but all he did was scream. i wish i could remember exact quotes cause there were some good ones, i was apologetic, tried to explain that IN HIS CONTRACT it states that we have 2 months to pay him (seriously, it does) but he didn't want to hear it, he accused me of working for a corporation (we're non-profit), that i work for babylon (huh? the small non-profit arts organization?), that i don't understand reggae music, etc etc ... he threw a bunch of great insults i had never heard before also ... the only one i can remember was something like "hooty pooty" (seriously, as in "this hooty pooty money") but i'm not sure cause he was screaming so loud it was kinda intelligible. i kept trying to explain him that sometimes people just do things because they feel passionately about them, to which his response was "man, FUCK THAT, I'M INTO GETTIN' PAID!" ... all about the music folks ... i shoulda asked him if he considered himself a rastafarian, and if so why he was acting so unlike a rasta, that'd shut him up (maybe) ... eventually i talked him down and defused the whole thing (cause I got skills like that), but i was (seriously) a hair away from calling 911, because it was that intense ... i wasnt worried about harm to myself, but he kept threatening to break shit, and working in a gallery, there's alot of shit on the walls that's easy to destroy that cost alot of money ... jeeez ... i was seriously shook up for about a half hour after he left, dude was out of his goddamn mind ... but hey, thats why i get paid the big bucks for (seri ... wait, no.)

weak entry

cause wonkette already carried it, i know, but this is too bizarre to pass up ... Ron Paul Supporter Bernard von NotHaus (REAL NAME!) Arrested for Counterfeiting Coins With Ron Paul's Head On Them

yes.

ill come back with something good today. promise.

tonite ... AND BEYOND!

aight you soul and reggae junkies ...
come git yo fill this weekend and then some ...

TONITE, THURSDAY, 11.15
most of the drastics will be backing RALPH "SOUL" JACKSON and ADAM FITZ (no drastics set though, strikkly soul) ... followed by SHARON JONES and THE DAP-KINGS! ... DJs from "east of eden" soul dance party spin before and after ... at the PARK WEST, CHICAGO, 9pm



FRIDAY, 11.16
the drastics dub it inna cornfield stylee ... CONSTANT SPRING, GOSHEN, INDIANA ... the drastics with FADA DOUGOU on the mic! ... anthony will be spinnin' the ill cuts throughout the nite ...



SATURDAY, 11.17
once again, most of the drastics will be backing ADAM FITZ at THE HIDE OUT, CHICAGO ... as part of laurie's planet of sound's tenth anniversary ... if ya dont know, it's a nice record shop in lincoln square 'hood of chicago ...




REDEEM TICKET STUBS FROM ALL THREE SHOWS AND WIN A RIDE IN A SHOPPING CART DOWN I-94!!!!

FIRST FOUR TICKET HOLDERS WITH COMPLETED COPIES OF THE NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORDS FROM 1999-2003 WIN A SHOT OF MOLTEN GOLD!!!!!

the most wonderful competition in the world

now pimpernel, you claim to be a mustache enthusiast ... and yet, i do not see you represented in ...

The World Beard & Moustache Championships 2007

nothing i love more then seeing grown men socializing over a mutual love of facial hair ... according to their site ... the goals of the organization are ...

• To promote good relationships between members of moustache and beard clubs throughout the world and to foster networks in the interests of friendship, conviviality and fun.
• To encourage and celebrate standards of excellence in the growth, design and presentation of facial hair.
• To raise the profile of beard and moustache clubs in order to attract new members and to bring to the general public a topic of interest and fun (put a smile on people’s faces).

and if all that didn't whet yer appetite to check out the site ... please have a look on my good friend Willi Chevalier, 1st place winner in this years Partial Beard Freestyle Competition ...



UPDATE

holy crap! is that the pimpernel at the Berliner Bartclub Competition in 2005 !?

jus a picturesque kinda day

yes.

in russia, camera takes picture of you!

america circa 1972, or russia today ?



if you answered the latter, you would be correct

second row, 3 over from the left is my hero

scotty beamed me twice last nite, it was wonderful

i'm guessin this has made the rounds and i just missed it ...



that is all for now

sex love and money

How Many Condoms Can You Wear at Once? ... might be nsfw, if you work at a church or somethin, nothin graphic ...

for the romantic in you ... awwwwws

got to get paid ... mo money

this is post 1100 ... hooray

Too Much CNN.com

Ok, I have a problem. I'm a bit of a cnn.com addict. Here's the last one for awhile. I promise.

A lovely article about why the guy in the office who doesn't do anything doesn't get fired. Or as I like to think of it "How Not to Do Work and Still Keep Your Job"

Some News in your Eye

I hate cops

Lawyers' Revolt!
(Actually, kind of scary)

Not funny in the least bit

And, for some reason, cnn.com still thinks Steve Irwin is news. He's dead. Get over it.

Arachnaphobia

The real question is: Can she do everything that a spider can?

watermelon jack-o-lanterns, narwhals, ancient bowling, et al ...

yall thought i was jokin' about gettin stuffed into a watermelon jack-o-lantern and gettin devoured ... the watermelon was hollowed out prior to carving, so the red you see in that image of some guy we crammed all up in there ... HE SHOULDN'T HAVE GOT TO THE SHOW LATE!!!!!! ENGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

narwhals are cool.

brave woman

fuck it imhotep. let's go bowling.

is this really necessary? ... it doesn't say it on their actual website, but the banner ad i saw for the site read "sugardaddie.com, dating for the elite, start interacting with wealthy men and attractive women" ... classy ... but seriously, isn't this kinda an oxymoron ? attractive women don't need dating services, and wealthy men just buy their women ... me smells a front ...

10 celebrities this guy has spent the night with

nice photo, another one, this one too

REGGAE BLOOD BATH TONITE!!!!!

MWAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

TONITE! 10^pm @ MORSELAND
(1218 w morse, rogers park, chicago)

THE DRASTICS + VERTIKAL

FIRST ANNUAL "TREAT YER TRICK" GALA
and
WATERMELON JACK-O-LANTERN CARVING

FEATURING

OL' ROBOT HEAD
TENOR SAX, FLUTE, DUB

RON BURGANDY OR SOMETHING
TROMBONE, MELODICA

THE HONORABLE JUSTICE ...
GUITAR

MOON GRIFFIN THE CLOWN
GUITAR

OL' MARCHING BAND HEAD
KEYBOARD

LIKE THE COOKIE CRISP BURGLAR, BUT HE STEALS MONEY
BASS

THE BOY ON THE BACK OF THE MILK CARTON
DRUMS

OL' AFRICA HEAD
VOCALS

ACTS OF PRESTIDIGITATION TO BE PROVIDED ON THE NIGHT OF THE EVENT!

FREE BABY FOOD JARS STUFFED WITH SOCKS TO THE FIRST 3 PATRONS

ALL LATE ENTERING TICKET HOLDERS WILL BE STUFFED IN WATERMELON JACK-O-LANTERNS WHICH WILL THEN BE
DEVOURED BY MOON GRIFFIN THE CLOWN!!!!!!

And Whosoever Shall Be Found
Without The Soul For Getting Down
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell
And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell

geoducks

i never thought a harmless mollusk could make me so insecure about my manhood ...

actually, that entry is good for the facts but this video will get the point across

3 feet under, trailer for a documentary on the beast ...

that's just wrong

Have a Drink

Historic drinking stories

Have a good weekend

a blogspot mustache shout out

Sputnik!

Space, here I come!

We don't need no stinkin' badgers!

I'm absolutley sure money had nothing to do with this

More on Kid's Books

Holy Crap! He's gay!

(Sorry, slow news day)

To a Kid's Book Writer?

Sometimes I read the news and question my opposition to the death penalty

bloomington, indiana

check out my sweet trapper keeper flyer

Lay Off My Stash!

"Marijuana and industrial hemp are members of the Cannabis sativa L. species and have similar characteristics. One major difference: Hemp won't get you high. Hemp contains only traces of delta-9 tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, the compound that gets pot smokers stoned."

Have I mentioned I love cnn.com?

Here's a little addendum for those who don't like reading news articles

radioz

me and tom from the drastics on wxrt 93.1 givin a lil interview ... i actually sound somewhat collected and intelligent, though there are points where i definitely start to ramble ... check it!

waking up to breaking and entering

so i've been working the around the coyote festival, which is no small task ... the thing is a real beast, especially this year when we have 12 venues, and for some reason a ridiculous amount of bitchy artists and cheap patrons ... i might post something later about some of the encounters i've had over the weekend, but knowing the personality types i've been dealing with, they are definitely the type that are vain enough to google their own names, find this blog and sue me for libel or some shit ... anyway, so this festival means that i've had 3 days off in 3 weeks, worked a 24 hour shift (no joke, 10am monday to 10am tuesday with a 2 hour break to do a radio interview on wxrt and eat, and regularly work 16 hour days ... obviously that means i have no life and only about 5-7 hours of sleep per nite after bustin my hump all day (hauling 60 lb bags of trash, cleaning up overflowing garbages, carrying 40 lb boxes of catalogs to every part of wicker park, etc) ... and so (luckily) i do very little partying, drinking, smoking, etc mostly cause i'm too exhausted and i just don't care about it at that point, i know it will be a temporary release but the next day i'll be running even slower ... i say luckily cause if i had drank anything the night before i probably would not have heard the guy that broke into our apartment and come into my room at 7:30am and scare the bajesus out of me ... now, living' with sketchy musician types i'm used to people being around the crib i don't always know, but they usually carry a certain vibe thats easily picked-up-on that they are cool and belong there ... it took me about 30 seconds to even shake the sleep out of my head, find my glasses, and realize some dude was looking at me while i lay in bed, which is a really spooky feeling ... once i realized that this guy shouldn't be here i started yelling at him and he took off running back across the coach house i live in, down the stairs inside and then back across it again to the front of the house and then out the front door ... i didn't follow him too far out of the house, which in retrospect was foolish as there is a long gangway leading from the street to our coach house and could've at least gotten a better glimpse of what he was wearing or looked like as he had to run down a narrow corridor for a good 20 feet ... but instead i stopped shortly after my door, turned around checked the handle to see if it was locked, again stupid as it probably could've been dusted for fingerprints and went back inside ... at this point i didn't know what to do so i went upstairs and saw the light on in my upstairs-roomate's room which i remember being off when i went to bed ... upon peering into his room (which is a mess anyway, so it was hard to tell if his stuff had been sifted through) it was obvious that the bright new shiny laptop he had sitting in the middle of his desk was gone ... at this point i don't really know what to do as i've never been in this situation before, so i run downstairs and knock loudly on downstairs-roomate's door, and, much to my surprise, random girl answers the door sans downstairs-roomate ... i have a very fast exchange with her, "where is downstairs-roomate?" i inquire ... "oh, he said he was going to sleep upstairs on the couch" she replies ... "we don't have a couch upstairs" i shoot back ... i explain to her what just happened (or at least what i could make of what just happened) and she's either too hungover or too dumb to really grasp what i'm saying, so i run back upstairs look around upstairs-roomate's room again, come back down, and the bitch shut the door and went back to sleep ... what the fuck !? ... so i call upstairs-roomate, leave a message, he calls back, he comes back home (he had been stayin at his girls place) ... apparently the junkie (cause by this point i'm starting to think this guy was just a junkie rather then an actual thief) had turned out most of the drawers in upstairs-roomate's room lookin for cash or jewels or something ... ok, so the question still remains ... "where is downstairs-roomate?" ... i grab my phone and see i have a text from him at 2:30am saying simply "Call me." ... ominous, especially given the circumstances ... with no signs of forced entry i'm led to believe that downstairs-roomate simply took off instead of actually going upstairs to sleep ... he had to have left at 2am and either didn't close or lock the door in a drunken stupor (more on this later) ... so it's time to file a police report, always a good time when CPD are involved, and i mean it! the lady at 911 was super sweet and cool with me, and about 10 minutes later officer myron showed up at our back door ... he took stock of my drum sets and admitted to having just bought a gretsch set (jerk! i can't afford one and he prolly plays it twice a year) and came upstairs to get the story ... now this guy was the archetype of a chicago police officer, little heavy, little older, and the thickest south-side chicago accent i've heard in a while (think of SNL's "da-bears" skits and yer half way there) ... so he sits down at our kitchen table and we start going over what happened, i explain that not having my glasses on, it being dark, and the guy being 10 ft away from me its really hard to describe what the guy looked like ... but the best part came when the guy called in an ET (evidence technician) to come in and dust for prints ... i don't know if this is just the guy on the force no one likes, or what, but the conversation went like this ... NOW! you have to keep in mind the cops exaggerated chicago accent and the radio guy being totally dead-pan and somewhat insular ...

cop: yeah ... i'm gonna need to call in an ET
radio: ..... yeah ? ...... for what ?
cop: uh, yeah, why don't we call it a burglary ?
radio: ...... yeah ? .... what do you need ?
cop: eh, ya know, dust for prints, uh ... there was a computers stolen, and, uh, the assailant touched the cords and some drawers ... uhh, yeah, ya know, just dusting, and, uh, what have you ...

the cop then gives our address, etc to the ET guys, at which point this exchange takes place

cop: yeah, uh, i'm gonna need that ET for a specific time, uhh ... what times works for yous guys ?
uptairs-roomate: uhh ... 5's cool ...
cop: ... uhh ... according to the victim ... fivescool
radio: ... is that 5 am or seventeen hundred hours (said totally sarcastically)
cop: ... uhhh, yeah, why don't we try seventeen hundred hours, hey look, im a wagon guy, im under alot of stress right here

ok, so that conversation doesn't translate too well to type, but if you have the right voices and inflections in your brain, it should be pretty damn funny

so later that day ET rolls up and dusts upstairs-roomate's room in two spots and finds nothing ... so, we all think the guy got away, and its the end of our little adventure ...

until ... dun DUN DUNNNNNNN ....

i get a call monday morning, they caught some guy thieving in a house on the next block over from us and want to know if i'll come in and do a lineup since i'm the only one who saw him (from 10ft away, sans-glasses, just waking up), but still, they want me to come down ... ok, i dunno if anyone out there has done a police lineup but its pretty intimidating, and it is just like the movies ... walk into a dark room and there's a little window with 5 guys standing against a dirty concrete brick wall, they make each guy come up to the window, turn left and right and step back ... i wasn't that intimidated cause i knew they couldn't see me, and this room also seemed to serve as the lunch room for the cops as about 8 of them were sitting behind me chowing down ... i narrowed it down to 2 guys out of the 5, and im 100% sure it was one of those two, but couldn't finger the guy, and so thusly was of no use to the cops, and they were obviously not happy with me about that ... the only that was really scary about this lineup was that in the lower left hand corner of the window/mirror was a huge crack that was obviously from some high-impact object (fist) hitting the glass and shattering it ... that kinda thing can scare the crap out of ya ...

anyway, this blog post took me 2 days to write, at this point another ET guy came through, took pictures, and i don't know what will happen next ... oh yeah!

Fake News and Jesus

Don't panic, but there is a possibility that our President is full of shit

The Norwegian version of The Daily Show went to interview James Oddo, the minority leader of the New York City Council. He didn't think it was very funny.

Stephen Colbert wrote the best thing that has ever been in the New York Times.

JESUS OF THE WEEK

miss richfield 1981

aaa ha .....

Naked McDonald's Followup

A few months ago one of you posted the story about the McDonald's worker being strip searched in the office.

Now you can watch a video about it.

Its pretty fucking awful and makes even less sense than it did before.

But at least she got paid.

And on a light note, Danson In The Dark

i can't wait 'till i'm internet famous!

so i can get one of these goin' ...

taken from a real myspace brand myspace page ...

killin' bitches, sittin on death row ...

the current state of commercial hip-hop ? nope ! we're talkin about the great american song tradition of murder ballads! ... well, the roots are european, but leave it to good ol' appalachian folk to carry it out well ... again, i got turned on to this from the lomax recordings i recently acquired ... there are songs retelling classic outlaws such as jesse and frank james, but it's the ones that are simply sung about premeditated murder that just fascinate me ... like "Pretty Polly" ... the lyrics there differ from the recording i have, and are actually a little less heavy ... in the recording on the lomax tapes, the end lyrics go ...

He stabbed her in the heart and her heart’s blood did flow.
He stabbed her in the heart and her heart’s blood did flow.
And into the grave Pretty Polly did go.
...
Oh gentlemen and ladies, I bid you farewell.
Oh gentlemen and ladies, I bid you farewell.
For killing Pretty Polly my soul will go to hell

i like in that version that at the end the singer is revealed to be the murderer ... anyway ...

Midgets and Klingons and Furries. Oh my!

A very special COPS featuring a feral midget.

These dudes could kick all three of our asses.

Some chick on Fark actually attended the Furries vs Klingons bowling tournament that driznastic posted the poster for and she took these pictures.

long john

Lightnin' Washington And Group singing "long john"... part of alan lomax's field recordings of the american south ... i just got hooked up with a bunch of these, including the disc this is off of "Deep River of Song: Big Brazos" ... i'm pretty sure they are choppin' trees in this tune, which is holdin the beat ... the whole disc is fantastic, but that song in particular (there's two on the disc by washington, both are the stand-out tracks in my opinion) ... i highly recommend you listen to the track on that page and listen to how seriously these guys are singin that song, i mean, man ... you can feel it if you got any kinda soul ... i'm convinced that if all music was performed like that, there would be no room for britney spears, or whoever is popular right now ... because people would listen to music not just for a catchy melody or something to dance to, but the actual PERFORMANCE (and i don't mean pyrotechnics and jumbo-trons) would be the crux of what was being sung ... so all the gimmicks would be pointless ... well, i can dream anyway ...

calling shenanigans ...

on YOU pimpernel ...

A dandy is a man who places particular importance upon physical appearance, refined language, and the cultivation of leisurely hobbies.

...nevertheless, the Scarlet Pimpernel is one of the great dandies of literature.¹

HAHA ... dandyass

more racialist business

bogarus's post got me thinkin about minstrels ... and what an odd phenomenon it was ... instead of the dominant culture subduing the minority and simply exploiting the people physically (which is almost always the case), it exploited its culture, and thusly helped spread that culture (albeit, a very racist perception) across the country and even into europe ... of course, the roman's adopted customs and even gods from the people they conquered, but i don't remember reading anything about roman musicians dressing up as celts or visigoths and performing for the emperor ... as the Ethiopian Serenaders did ...

Their first major performance was for John Tyler at the White House in 1844 as part of the "Especial Amusement of the President of the United States, His Family and Friends"

even more bizarre, is that anyone with a basic knowledge of geography, or understanding of the slave trade knows that the vast majority of american slaves came from WEST africa ... yet, many minstrel troupes and even opera houses for minstrels had names with "ethiopia" them ... if you find this subject as fascinating as me, i suggest you (at least) read the wiki on it

The rise of the minstrel show coincided with the growth of the abolitionist movement. Many Northerners were concerned for the oppressed blacks of the South, but most had no idea how these slaves lived day-to-day. Blackface performance had been inconsistent on this subject; some slaves were happy, others victims of a cruel and inhuman institution.[17] However, in the 1850s minstrelsy became decidedly mean-spirited and pro-slavery as race replaced class as its main focus.[18] Most minstrels projected a greatly romanticized and exaggerated image of black life with cheerful, simple slaves always ready to sing and dance and to please their masters. (Less frequently, the masters cruelly split up black lovers or sexually assaulted black women.)[19] The lyrics and dialogue were generally racist, satiric, and largely white in origin. Songs about slaves yearning to return to their masters were plentiful. The message was clear: do not worry about the slaves; they are happy with their lot in life.[20] Figures like the Northern dandy and the homesick ex-slave reinforced the idea that blacks did not belong, nor did they want to belong, in Northern society.[21]"

however, despite this attitude, black minstrels did appear on the scene, and gained as much prominence as their white counterparts with black performers being as popular as any white minstrel, again on our friends, the Ethiopian Serenaders

The Serenaders eventually returned to London, this time with the addition of William Henry Lane, a black man known as "Master Juba"

... the shows were billed and structured similairly to white minstrel shows, however ...

White curiosity proved a powerful motivator, and the shows were patronized by people who wanted to see blacks acting "spontaneously" and "naturally", as if on exhibit.[39] Promoters seized on this, one billing his troupe as "THE DARKY AS HE IS AT HOME, DARKY LIFE IN THE CORNFIELD, CANEBRAKE, BARNYARD, AND ON THE LEVEE AND FLATBOAT."[40] Keeping with convention, black minstrels still corked the faces of at least the endmen. One commentator described a mostly uncorked black troupe as "mulattoes of a medium shade except two, who were light. . . . The end men were each rendered thoroughly black by burnt cork."

here's the main page from which i gathered most of this info

so anyway, i had no idea that a show like this ever, or for that matter, could exist in the 19th century ... the black and white minstrel show ... courtesy of the BBC, aired from 1957 to 1978 and won several prominent awards ...

Racial sensitivity

How sad that our society has become so biased that a simple statue on a porch has to become a racial issue.

Happye (Belated) New Year

That Giuliani girl aint got shit on her! L'Chaim!

food for thought ...

as it is no secret, i hate fark (not necessarily the people) ... but the other day someone was askin' me to explain what it was ... i did my best to explain the difference between fark and totalfark, what a thread is, what a greenlight is, etc ... and after explaining what i know about it, this friend asked, "well, who gets paid then ?" ... it was then i realized that all you (funny, interesting) folks out there with totalfark accounts (gunnin to put up threads) are essentially paying to work ... that made me laugh, and then it made me sad ... let me explain, i have a problem with fark, the same way some people (myself included) have a problem with starbucks ... it seems to be the juggernaut blog/board "chain" that is consuming potentially hundreds of independents who instead jump on the bandwagon ... i'm assuming this is a combination of laziness (ie not wanting to go through the effort of starting/promoting one's own blog/board) and wanting to jump right into the limelight ... cause don't get me wrong, i seent some funny stuff up on that site for sure, but it's not like wonkette where the editors are actually writing and finding articles, it's all by people that could be runnin' their own scene, but instead succumb to the "community" of fark ... and that's a whole 'nother rant right there ... but ... last i checked, blogger is still free .... and this lil' blog (according to my google analytics account) gets between 30-50 hits a day ... and the bluntest only has 3 "contributers" hardly any serious discourse ... and mostly jus silly stuff, cnn articles, and the occasional week old celebrity scandal ...

i still can't get over it, ya'll pay to work and help inflate other people's salaries ... that's ... strange ...

i welcome any reply, albeit civil ...

oh, here's something ya'll farkers can relate to ...



OH HO HO HO HO!!!!!!! SICK BURN BRA!!!!!!!!!!
SICK WITH DISEASE
LIKE, GANGRENE n SHIT
SICK BRA
BETTER CALL 911
SICK BRA
SICK

my only real question ...

which side is bogardus gonna be on ... ?



image courtesy the folks at globalnerdy.com ... some funny stuff on there ... and to validate that it is a website run by actual nerds, i submit this quote

I’ve already received three email suggestions that someone hold a movie night for geeks where we watch the film and “smoke a bowl“, as the expression goes.

why is smoke a bowl in quotes ? is that a term for a term that's, like, extra top secret jargon ? where as to smoke a bowl would mean to partake in marijuana, but to "smoke a bowl" really means ... oh ... i dunno ... write some really sloppy and uncommented code ?

From the Obituaries

I wonder what his last words were . . . . (What? Too tasteless?)

Does the fan look like a halo to you?

And what do you know, there are assholes in the South. But don't worry, cause this is not about race. Fucking rednecks.

Don't taze me, bro!

A dude at the University of Florida was tasered at a John Kerry forum. We could have a long conversation about the appropriateness of the police reaction to a college kid asking a question, but at the end of the day, that kid is kind of a stupid asshole and if he was here, I'd taze him myself, bro.

The YouTube kids have already remixed his pleas for mercy.


PREVIOUS POST UPDATE: Maury has brought us the truth about Chris Crocker.

P.S. You know that part of your mind that has always said "I wonder what Oscar de la Hoya looks like in a full-body fishnet?"

stuff i (mostly) stole from others

one of the funniest things i've seen in a while... "I know how you ladies feel. Juggling careers and having the kids. We can do it all, yah! There you go.. fried egg...there's your damn fried egg sandwich!" let's play chess, exercise, paint and cook TV ... courtesy elliot ross

a really really fresh "video" to a bob dylan tune, as remixed/replayed by the dap-kings (outta brookyln, nyc) ... Most Likely You Will Go Your Way (& I'll Go Mine) ... i love the original so much, that its hard for me to get into another version (even by the dap-kings) but the video is brilliant in its concept and execution ... courtesy my eyeballs and kincaid for hippin' me to the dap-kings

"I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die," she told the Courier & Press ... courtesy mr. ross, et al

Cops: Man dies after armless artist’s head-butt ... courtesy ms. gadola

laser turntable ... courtesy the always lovely sanam

This is Weird

I need to do some more research on this to get the whole story

Unlucky

Sucks to be them

phunny

All I Want for My Birthday

I don't understand this

I'd elaborate, but I'm in class right now . . . .

its that time again ...

HAPPY BIRFDAY PIMPERNEL!
YOU SLUT!!



FEEL THE BURN!!!!!!



and now for an impersonation that mr. pimpernel might find ... a little cheeky

News for the Monday

Let's see here: soft core porn, sci-fi show, another sex series, children's show. Remind you of anyone?

And apparently you can't say "goddamn" on FOX. Or maybe she got censored because she wasn't a hot blonde. Or not animated (See: Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, etc.)

Or maybe it's because FOX hates liberals. (A side not to that article: "If we were so interested in confiscating Iraq's substantial oil reserves, why didn't we just plow through there, and deputize the place then? We could have. We didn't." Apparently this schmuck doesn't realize that, no we couldn't have. That's exactly what we're trying to do now and failing. And this little nugget: "Trust me, if we wanted just oil, we'd position all our troops around just oil facilities. We didn't. We haven't. And we aren't." Once again, this schmuck is wrong. That's exactly what we did when we first invaded. So by "didn't" he really should have said "did".)

putin-nany!

aight ... so in my last post, i called out russian premiere, ex-kgb head-honcho, and all around spooky individual: vladimir putin on havin' givin' up a whole lot of goofy photo-ops over the last couple months ... so today's post is dedicated to the man ...

and as many goofy-ass photos of him i can find ...

we'll skip the weird b&w photos of him and his man-boobies since everyone seent those already ...

so here we go!

here he is enjoying his life size nut-cracker collection, somewhere deep in the cockles of the kremlin (the boy was paid 5 rubles for the week and then was shipped back to serbia)

here he is on a smoke break while working at russia's favorite fascist/totalitarian hamburger stand the stal-in-out burger ... wow, that was so corny it'd even make actor blush

just don't forget he used to be KGB

no, seriously don't mess with him ... on a side note, i'm pretty sure he played renard in "the world is not enough"

however, it wouldn't be the last time he trodded the boards in the entertainment world ... in the early 90's he teamed up with a buddhist monk and attempted a shabba ranks/maxi priest kinda thing ... the unlikely duo weren't recieved well, and their only full-length "He's the Monk, I'm the Totalitarian-Free Press Hatin'-Despot" failed to break the Top-10 charts even in Russia ... and iTunes downloads of the single "Y U Hatin'?" were brisk, at best

seriously now how many times i gotta say it ... !?

he has a real sweet model rocket, BUT YOU CAN'T PLAY WITH IT! ... no, seriously volodya, my uncle gave it to me, and it's like, really really expensive ... NO, STOP TOUCHING IT ... COMON GUYS, IM SERIOUS ...... FINE, SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M TAKING MY ROCKET AND GOING HOME!!!

he likes goats

i mean, he really likes goats

but don't worry he also likes little boys too

here he is playing the classic russian game, pull the giant turkey leg from the rocketship before it takes off! ... the gentleman on the left is refereeing the match ...

must be one of the jokes only fascist-loving, free-speech-hatin', own-citizen-spyin', civil-rights-removin', douche-bag-appointin', election-stealin', "presidents" get ...

uhhhhh ....................... so many questions now ...

lookin' ball show : volume 5

nice photo .... but its got emo-kid stank* all over it ...

el sol ... i dont't know if this photo is fabricated or a composite or what, but ... whoa ...

safety tip ... while most atheists assume goat-like bodies upon rejecting the lord, they still do enjoy a good thick robe and mug o' joe ...

the mrs' tipped me to this ... takes a while to load all the levels, but if you got time, it's pretty cool ...

just a pretty picture

inside joke theatre : did sofie, josh or noam make this for me ? and it somehow ended up on a russian blog ? 3 months after my birthday ?

re:bogardus ... creepy how similar that looks ...

has anyone else noticed that an inappropriate amount of goofy photos of putin have been released in the last couple of months





*they might just be british

Ever Beat Up a Priest?

Me neither. Luckily we have police to do that now. And what happened? The priest got arrested, of course! At least they let him go to the hospital first because they tore the ligaments in his ankle. The worst thing is, it took about 6 cops to take down a priest. What would've happened if he, you know, wasn't a man of the cloth and actually was looking for a fight? I'm guessing those cops would've gotten their asses kicked.

To think what would have happened to the priest if he tried to make an illegal right turn! (Thanks City of Chicago! Yeah, that was down the street from me. There are a ton of schools in my neighborhood.)

Avoid the plague

The Britney Meltdown

If you didn't see it, this is Britney Spears's latest performance at the MTV Video Music Awards

I would like to mock this video and talk about how Britney looks like she can't decide whether to be be bored, confused, or drunk, but after watching this second video, I have decided that it is a better idea if I just LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

It's Time for The Todd

I got nothing more to add

And in case you were wondering, 30 seconds has never seemed as short as when I was the "phone-a-friend" on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire today.

Salad

Real life super villains

Some more comics

Last three articles care of boredatwork.com

Still No Internet at Home

Sorry for the extended hiatus. Gotta make this brief. Blogging during class. 10 days till interneting in the comfort of my own home.

Just a heads up, watch yourself Bogardus

Kind of like Mona Lisa's

Oprah's planning on eating the GOP

He didn't want to go to your stupid party, anyway

Where's Steve Fossett? Perhaps Galt's Gulch?
(Read a book sometime, will ya?)

you tried keepin' it real ...

... but you should try keepin' it right!

i've covered vampire squids before on the ol' blog ... but here's two pictures that are way cool ... i think he likes you....

this guy rocks!

A new Proud American is ready to join the fight
against Illegal Immigration and America's Enemies!!!
Gianluca Zanna, former Legal Immigrant from Italy...
Today proud 100% American Citizen!

watch out mexicans, gianluca has YOU on his RADAR! and he's ready to PILE-DRIVE THAT ASS!!!! YARGGHHHHHH!!!!

oh, and by "guy", i mean "douchebag", and by "rocks", i mean "sucks donkey-balls"

i guess "this" still means "this"

GITONSTNAW!

jus some things i stole from other folks

someone should explain the concept of demographic marketing to these people ... hmmm ... i just can't decide who to be for halloween this year, ghandi or hitler ...

contents of jar unknown ... though i would guess a mixture of pimento, thousand island dressing, radish, and vomit

nowadays, we only use fear tactics to stir up hatred for the blacks and ay-rabys and gays but back in they day ... well, it was a simpler time ..

good ol' fashion nightmare fuel

filler

once again ... how come i didn't know that mario bros was released as an atari game ...

and from wikipedia

The Atari 2600 version is the least faithful of all versions, though it was well-received. Due to 2600 limitations, there is only one pest per floor at a time, and blocky graphics. The player can kick off the Slipice as it is icing a floor. Iced floors only heal at the coin phase. This version also resets the score to zero when surpassing 999,990 points.

so basically, this image on the back of the box is a lie

how do you sleep at night, you ... you ... italian paraquat !

hell yes

One Hundred Famous Views of Edo

the interface is sick

sick with disease

like gangrene

we gonna have to amputate kid

been a second

i got this job, it keeps me busy, and this band, it keeps me busy too ...

this website is pretty damn cool : very small array ... be sure to check the maps and charts ... for all sorts of useful information, such as ... number of presidents born to ihops (by state) ratio and other fun facts! population to mcdonalds / population to wal-mart / population to starbucks ... keep in mind states have different populations, so while california doesn't look like it, it does in fact have the most mcdonalds of any state in the union!

this pretty much sums up my whole life

Pure Logic

Can't argue with that.

But mostly because I don't know what the fuck you just said.

I'm Back!

Sorry I haven't posted in so long, my faithful blog fans (cause I know all 3 of you out there were worried). I got no internet at home and class has just started up and I'm moving in a week. I got lots to do.

This is why you don't want to live with Republicans. They'll kill you.

The Beatles are Evil. So listen to some poorly written/performed rock instead. God will love you more.

the drastics cd release show ... tomorrow nite!

THIS THURSDAY!
AUGUST 23rd
*AT*
THE BEAT KITCHEN, CHICAGO
2100 W BELMONT AVE
9pm, 18+

BI-CENTENNIAL CHEESE CURD APPRECIATION CONGRESS!
and
REGGAE SHOW!!

...featuring...

THE DRASTICS
chicago's favorite dub-reggae sons
DROPPING THEIR NEWEST CD RELEASE
“WAITING”

-and-

DR. RING-DING
german dancehall legend

~specifics for the night of the event~

tom riley
tenor sax, flute, dubs, clarifying statements, emoluments, convergance of cognition

kincaid smith
trumpet, song-crammin', iron lung deficiency, baffling salmagundis

brian citro
guitar, dubious encounters, votary of adam sandler, ability to limn the un-limnable

bijan warner
keys, 1337 H4x0r 5ki115, never doing anything immoral or bad, sand castles

chris merrill
bass, small plastic animals, sylvan splendors, autonomous creations

anthony abbinanti
drums, excessive verbiage, trencherman qualities, breadcrumbs

fada dougou
vocals, honey-dippin', hot-footin', gin-crackin'

zulu
vocals, lack of caesura, super-telescopic vision, incorporating simulacrum of thundercats

|| DISPLAYS OF PRESTIDIGITATION PROVIDED ON THE NIGHT ||

FULL SERVICE CHEESE BAR PRIVELAGES FOR MEMBERS OF THE SOCIETY

-+- RAFFLE PRIZES INCLUDE -+-
A VIOLENT DIRIGIBLE
LIFE TIME SUPPLY OF HAND-CRANKS
BOX OF USED TOOTH-PICKS
FLESH PRODUCTS
AUTOGRAPHED FRED SAVAGE LITHOGRAPHS
JUNK MAIL FOR IRANIAN PRESIDENT

THEDRASTICS.COM
MYSPACE.COM/DRASTICDUB

Don't Click On This Link!

DON'T!

DON'T!

DON'T!

the bluntest on life support ...

this gal draws some really cool stuff

1946. Admiral and Mrs. Blandy celebrate operation crossroads with an atomic cake. This frequently reproduced photograph captures an uncanny resemblance between Mrs. Blandy's hat and the mushroom cloud.

ready! ... and! ...... jazz hands!

that's bogardus in the back

easy post

hungry at 2am the other nite, i hit up grubhub.com ... and realized that a blog post of hilarious proportions was easy as posting customer reviews of flash taco ....

for those who don't know (though it should be apparent by the review), flash taco is a late nite taqueria (and i'm using that term very generously ... grease pit is more accurate) that you should only (i repeat, ONLY) eat, when you are so drunk you do not know any better ... and even then, if you have any REAL friends, they will stop you before doing so ... it's located in the slowly-being-gentrified neighborhood of wicker park and 3am on a weekend nite, it is a vision of my own personal hell ... crap food, drunk trixies and even drunker idiot-chad-marks either screaming in revelry or screaming at their drunk trick (for sucking off their boy, or what have you) ... for those who know, i'm not saying nothin' new ...

on a side note, i know i don't live in the most happening neighborhood in chicago (ukrainian village) but at 2am, there's only 6 places that will deliver to me ... i was expectin more for some reason ...

if we slept together, would you be my friend?

munkeynifefite

crotch buster!

christ all mighty ... i mean, i like body-mods n all that ... but .....

haha ... man, did they get that face right ... i know about 4 dudes that look jus like that ... except for the fish part

new for '89! ... dude, lightening fast 20hz of ram!

pilkipedia ... right ... treat the world ... like a head ...

there's a few things you need to know before we begin ...

effective anti-terrorism campaign

oh i dunno but its kinda funny ... some sort of sim screenshot montage of someone trying to kill their character? maybe ? i dunno

hell yes ... totally forgot about these guys ... and thank god we got nerds to ensure that no only is there a website dedicated, but it holds its namesake as well

i think these are all over the internets today ... hyena people of nigeria ... pictures by pieter hugo ... the picture on that page of the guy with the hyena was being sold by one of the galleries at art chicago this year ... it was blowed up real big and was a really striking image ...

i'm a lebowski, you're a lebowski ... lebowski fan book ... takin pre-orders currently, i think im gonna have to watch it tonite ...

unlike conan o'brien, don't fight bears ... brought to you by fujifilm!

corporate logo color breakdown ... i knew that blue was the most popular color, but damn

oh, jus some stuff

s'why my pappy don't let me go squid fishin' no mo ...

brpbrpbrp ... brpbrpbrp ... brp ... brpbrp ... whats that sound like ? ... think, old car ... model t beats hummer in 1000ft race ... no joke ... seriously, i hate those cars and the people that drive them ...

this scares me ... if anyone knows that that is, please let me know, id love to see the whole thing ...

ahem ... now, i like curves, specially of the female variety ... but somewhere in the area of 34-24-36 ... not 30-14-36 ... more on ms polaire

now listen up all y'all alkie stiffs, i don mind you cattin up on me campfire like ya do, but don't expects me to decorate the mahogany as well ... i's a gettin' mighty hooty .. hobo slang

old ladies with guns

how many people are proud of you?

sorry, more youtube ...

... directed by Martin Scorsese, starring Wesley Snipes, Flava Flav, Roberta Flack and Quincy Jones ...

the newest action-drama you may ask ?

nope ... it's the full-length intro to MJ's Bad

when i first watched this i was a little spooked out that i somehow missed this epic intro to one of MJ's biggest hits, until i read that it was in fact not released until 2001 on a DVD collection ...

and some more Bad trivia ...

The song was originally intended as a duet with longtime rival Prince. Quincy Jones, in an interview included in the Special Edition of "Bad", said that Prince told Jackson and him that he hadn't wanted to participate because "it would be a hit without (him)".
from this wiki page

when i first watched it, i didn't get the opening scene with the latino man asking MJ how many people were "proud of him" ... after watching the whole thing it made sense, and in my opinion says a whole lot with saying very little ...

thanks to bijan for the link!

oh, and ham, ham on it ... ham on whole wheat ... alright ...

goddamn i love weird als videos, and he is pretty spry for bein in that ginormous fat suit

Bluntest Points

Bogardus Slacks Alot would be my Native American name. I tried to find a good (or funny) Native American Name Generator to link here, but based on my recent research (read: last 4 minutes) Name Generators are the lamest thing on the internet. If you can find a Name Generator on the web that isn't totally stupid and boring, I'll give you 12 Blunt points, redeemable for cash prizes from The Pimpernel.

Listen, I've seen lots and lots of fake movie trailers online (and I am a bad blog contributor, so I probably didn't link most of them!), but this might be the best one ever made. If you didn't see the love between Zack and Slater before, subtract 3 Bluntest points. Because you need to see it now, in Brokeback by the Bell.

Are you offended? Lose 10 Bluntest points.

I remember when I was a kid that everybody pretty much hated their parents. Now, these kids have the chance to get a new daddy. Plus they get HDTV and XBOX 360. I hate these kids. Get 10 Bluntest points if you're over 18.

If you have over 20 points, Pimpernel owes you $3.15.

Congrats!

(P.S. Sorry its all YouTube, but thats where a lot of my time has been spent recently.)

this weekend!

aight, listen up all ya'll lil' reggae junkies, cause we got yer fix right here ...

THIS FRIDAY, AUGUST 10
@ :: MORSELAND (1218 w morse, chicago IL)
W :: grimy styles, dj papa g
T :: 9:30pm
$ :: 5

THIS SATURDAY, AUGUST 11
@ :: WILD HARE (3830 clark, chicago IL)
W :: heavy manners, dj chuck wren
T :: 9:30pm
$ :: ??

THIS IS PART OF OUR MONTH LONG RICK MORANIS TRIBUTE CONCERT SERIES!



SO GET TO THE SHOW, RICK IS COUNTING ON YOU!!

featuring ...

tom riley ... tenor sax, flute, dubs, horse hair hats, antique apiculture equipment, cutting the gordian knot

kincaid smith ... trumpet, loquacious fits, fugacious overtures, slummin'

brian citro ... guitar, activation of wonder-twin powers, lumpsucker fishin', woody allen fan-club president

bijan warner ... organ, keyboards, matt damon trvia, 19th century books on epidermal disorders, philomath revelry

chris merrill ... bass, overdeveloped risible muscles, lascivious hand gestures, impassioned pleas for "some-kind-of-sanity"

anthony abbinanti ... drums, suffering of a peculiar delirium of persecution, drinking very freely of whiskey, bbq triathlon regulatin'

fada dougou ... vocals, gimcrack hoarding, chthonic powers, paroxysm of words

zulu ... vocals, drinking in wassail, grandiloquent tendencies, legerdemain at chutes-and-ladder competitions

elliot ross* ... broken scapulas, hit 'n runs, not being able to play the guitar

***FREE BALLOON ANIMAL WORKSHOPS AFTER ALL PERFORMANCES (BYOBA)!

****DONKEY RIDES WILL BE PROVIDED ON THE NIGHT OF THE EVENT!!



IT IS OUR SADDEST OBLIGATION TO INFORM OUR AUDIENCE THAT ELLIOT ROSS HAS FALLEN VICTIM TO A HIT AND RUN WHILE RIDING HIS BIKE TO WORK ... HIS SCAPULA MAY BE BROKEN, BUT HIS SPIRIT PERSEVERES! SEND ELLIOT SOME TIDINGS OF GOOD CHEER IF YOU HAVE THE TIME, HE'S LAID UP AT HOME, ARM IN A SLING, CRYING HIS LIL EYES OUT ...

and if you don't believe me about elliot, check the hospital roster i found online ...

-------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot Ross, white, male, 23? years, native of Ireland, laborer, recommended his commitment to the S.- I.- A. at Jackson, La. on October 30th – 1883, finding him insane suffering from “Chronic Alcoholism”.

Like all Irishmen, he is witty. He is gay & pleasant in his speech, at times rational, and then again he will wander off, and address imaginary persons or objects. He is a laborer, single, and has been a hard drinker for years. To use his own expression “I have been drinking every since before I was born; it runs through my nature.”

Petition filed Nov. 7/83, signed Nov. 10. Monroe, J.

-------------------------------------------------------------

nah, but seriously, he's busted, come buy him a drink

lookin' ball show : volume 4

i'm back with a revived spirit that would shame richard simmons ...

cool picture ... which is this

choose wisely ...

wrap ... it ... up!

if only i ate meat

ok, seriously we can stop this anytime guys ... even that's too offensive for me ... probably definitely the work of some over privileged, overweight white american kid who regularly refers to his online "friends" as "n*gga" but doesn't have even a single black friend ... ya know, i was about to go on an impassioned type-rant about how plastics (or something) must be destroying our ability to empathize, but this kind of insensitivity is really nothing new in the grand-life-span of human kind ... good work guys! way to show the world (or the internet world, anyway) that we haven't changed our thinking in 8000 some odd years!

to steal borrow a line from rockandrollconfidential ... he cries when he comes

gah! ... but i really wanna see it with a wig on for some reason ... and its this if you wanna know

shorpy's ... they got alot of pictures

huh? ... did i completely miss this show ... or perhaps, i too have been played the fool like nowhere man! ... gast! curse you secret US shadow government and your ability to make me completely forget about failed tv series from the mid-90s!

brilliant!